Song of Alice - Comments

  • blkmgk

    blkmgk (125)

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    that was a fairly well-written one shot. proofread and correct grammatical errors; you repeated yourself in "...black out. all the lights were out..." which wasn't necessary. i suggest writing in a paragraph describing alice's mysterious beauty in excruciating detail and physical description. you should also consider describing the apartment building (before and after alice's disappearing) to deepen the impact.

    i sense some great potential here. :]
    August 15th, 2009 at 12:53am