Teenagers - Comments

AllTimeLizz (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 27
Location:: United States

I do agree with her on saying that it does move very fast, I just read this and you've stuffed at least 40 chapters worth of material into about 30. Details and fillers... details and fillers....

March 19th, 2011 at 09:11am

LullabyeLaura (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: United States

no, i dont think she does. shes just trying to give u criticism.

September 29th, 2007 at 08:06pm

I Love Skittles (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: United States

Space Monkey Mafia!:
No offense or anything, But I hate the way you made the members of Green Day seem completely immature.

Really; We can get past the Mibba Cliche' that every member of the bands we love are actually ten year old with a very colorful languadge in disguise. Personally, I don't find it amusing.

I also dislike the fact that Stephanie acts like she's this hardcore twelve year old or something, when the truth is, the way you write her inner monlouge and so on and so forth, she's not. No twelve year old I know would ever curse directly to an adults face, totally ruin a tour bus, and get away with it.

To point another thing out; The story moves incredibly fast. And that, however, might not be a good thing. You want readers to want more, therefore you get more comments and readers. All I'm saying is make the story real.

But deep down, it's got great potential. Not to sound harsh or anything; I'd say add more detail and maybe more opening chapters, a good character backdrop and you're good to go. :-]

Too late, you already sound harsh!

September 5th, 2007 at 08:07am

fountainhead (250)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: United States

No offense or anything, But I hate the way you made the members of Green Day seem completely immature.

Really; We can get past the Mibba Cliche' that every member of the bands we love are actually ten year old with a very colorful languadge in disguise. Personally, I don't find it amusing.

I also dislike the fact that Stephanie acts like she's this hardcore twelve year old or something, when the truth is, the way you write her inner monlouge and so on and so forth, she's not. No twelve year old I know would ever curse directly to an adults face, totally ruin a tour bus, and get away with it.

To point another thing out; The story moves incredibly fast. And that, however, might not be a good thing. You want readers to want more, therefore you get more comments and readers. All I'm saying is make the story real.

But deep down, it's got great potential. Not to sound harsh or anything; I'd say add more detail and maybe more opening chapters, a good character backdrop and you're good to go. :-]

August 29th, 2007 at 10:30am