Bailey. - Comments

*from comment swap*

Layout: I like it, but it could be better. 3/5

Plot: It’s kinda unoriginal, I mean Jackie Collins kinda exhausted the Hollywood teenager thing. 2/5

Writing: I only read chapter one since the plot didn’t seem too interesting to me, but you’re writing style is good. It’s not the best, but its good. It could use some work though. 3/5

Grammar/Spelling: I didn’t see any mistakes. 5/5

Overall: 2.6/5

Advice: I like your writing style, and you do have a lot of potential. You're good at story building, from what I see, and I really think you should try and sit down for a more original and creative plot. Although, I didn't read the whole thing but that's just my opinion. :)

*from comment swap*

Layout: I like it, but it could be better. 3/5

Plot: It’s kinda unoriginal, I mean Jackie Collins kinda exhausted the Hollywood teenager thing. 2/5

Writing: I only read chapter one since the plot didn’t seem too interesting to me, but you’re writing style is good. It’s not the best, but its good. It could use some work though. 3/5

Grammar/Spelling: I didn’t see any mistakes. 5/5

Overall: 2.6/5

Advice: I like your writing style, and you do have a lot of potential. You're good at story building, from what I see, and I really think you should try and sit down for a more original and creative plot. Although, I didn't read the whole thing but that's just my opinion. :)

So I'm from comment swap and haven't read the two prequels, but I glanced over them to try and get a gist of what happened previous. The layout's nice on the eyes and it seems to fit from what I've gathered of the story, so that's a good start.

Getting into the first chapter, I can't quite believe that a teenager would think that their father was the most handsome man they knew. I could barely imagine a child thinking that. Just a thought. Other than that, I thought it went smoothly and was a nice starting chapter.

However, I can't say that I like Bailey, she's just not the type of character I'm a fan of. And with that being said, this isn't the sort of story I'm into, either. It doesn't interest me. But it seems like a decent story for anyone who is in to it, and I think you've done a good job so far with what I've read.

Comment Swap has brought me upon this story :)
First of all I'm going to applaud you for the extend this story goes back. Since i was curious i browsed over the prequels to this.
I will be honest and say the story doesn't particularly interest me. I skimmed over the first chapter.
Your layout is simple and easy to read, the top photo suits well i think.

I'm here because of comment swap :)

First of all I'll get the technical stuff out of the way, I love the picture in the layout, but I think maybe a lighter color or a neutral or something for the background might compliment it better. Also, it's already been mentioned in the comment below but you need to break up the paragraphs.
This plot is really interesting, it definitely got me hooked the characterization is good, I liked the descriptions you gave of everyone in chapter one and the story has a good flow to it. I think this story has a lot of potential, so well done!

I didn't really like the main character, Bailey. I didn't like that her main problem was that she had everything she could want, but just wanted to be normal. It reminds me of girls that say they can't stand to be pretty because they have to fight off so many boys. I just thought she complained too much about things she didn't need to complain about.

Also, you need to break up the paragraphs properly. Double space between each new paragraph.

That having been said, I did like your plot. It was interesting.

So I'm at the start of chapter ten right now, and it's actually pretty good. I noticed a few people complaining about the background, but I didn't find it all that hard to read.

So, on to the story. Format-wise, it got a little confusing when some new paragraphs, mostly dialogue paragraphs, weren't double spaced. The story itself is good though, and the relationships are all different and unique! Bailey and Kristi seem like such good friends, and Kyle and bailey seem on shaky grounds.

Hmm, that's about it so far, but I'll be sure to check back when I have more time! Keep up the good work!

Hello :) So I found your story through comment swap and heres what I think: Personally I don't really like the layout, the background it very bright and distracting and the colors clash with the picture (the girl in her bad, I can't remember what that parts actually called in the layout). Of course this is just my opinion but It also seems a little bit unrelated to the story. I would recommend a simpler one, maybe make the text black on a light color and the background a darker color. Of course this is just my opinion. I thought the intro was a good hook, and you do a good job of developing the story as you go, instead of spitting out the basic facts about your characters life. I would just work on a few things within your story, like don't type out a quote in all caps if someones screaming, just describe their screaming! (that ones a pet peeve of mine, sorry!) You developed the plot nicely, even though you got a little lost, and all in all I like it and I had a good time reading :) Check out my stuff?

Comment swap took me here (:

So starters, the introduction is very appealing and it got me interested to know what it was all about. It was a short summary (I should start writing short summaries like this) to get me interested in what the story was about.

As for the layout, I'm fine with it. I don't really see why it's distracting or bright.

As for the storyline, I found it cute as well. Bailey and Kristy's friendship is adorable and I find the dialogue very natural and real and it really flows in with the story.

The only thing to take notice is missing words or using the wrong words such. I had to go back a few times to read it... but nothing you can't fix (i have problems like that too )

Great job! (: <3

First of all, the layout is kind of distracting and bright which put me off a little bit. I liked the banner though, I thought it was quite nice and well-fitting.
Overall, the story seems good, I like the way you developed the characters and you described things nicely. Keep up the good work :)

I'm here for the story comment swap, just so you know (( :
The story line's quite cute, and I usually have a problem with black background and white text, but I endured it, because I thought your story was quite interesting xD
This seems like a genuinely simple and cute story, though I only read a couple of chapters for now. I like the relationship of Kristi and Bailey; it really made me smile (( : It reminds me of how I used to act with my best friend. I'll be reading more now, love. It's gotten a lot of my attention so far! :D

It's not something I'd usually read but I did go through 8 chapters to leave a proper comment.
The writing style needs maturing which of course comes with time. And no matter how pretty the background picture is, it's slightly difficult to read without straining my eyes + the space between the lines is a bit too small also.
Overall story seems good. There are details to be played with and as it's a typical school-story, I do not expect any more from it.
Also I'd like to see more character development. I do not 'feel' the characters which can be quite a problem.

First of, as pretty as the layout is, the background is kinda distracting. I find my eyes keep flickering back over to it and it was giving me a headache while I was trying to read it :D

I personally believe that "I got into the shower, turned the dial and let the steamy water hit my face, instantly, my body relaxed." should be more along the lines of "I got into the shower, turned the dial and let the steamy water hit my face. Instantly, my body relaxed."

But then again its just my opinion, and you have these type of moments throughout your story. I think, that with a bit of editing, you can make an already good story turn into a great story. Good luck with your sequel :D

I think this story could use a bit of tweaking, really. There were really a notable amount of typos and capitalization errors. I think a good read through could do quite a bit of justice.
I do, think that your character is a very relatable teenager. Of course she hates her uniform for school. And of course she has that one best friend that no matter how stupid they are together, they’re having so much fun it doesn’t matter what the world thinks of them. But yeah, I think just fix a few mistakes and you’ve got a lot of potential. :)

i love love lovelloveedd this story so much it was so amazing im so happy she finally ended up with kyle, and you didnt let writers block get to your head you kept the story as realistic as possibleinstead of doing wild crazyy impossible things :P i really think this was one of the best storiess ive ever read :P im gonna read the sequel tomorroww

sequel is now up. granted only the description but work with me here. it's been a while. :)

Wow, you are really talented. I really loved you're story; It was amazing!!!

Yay, happy ending! Is there going to be a sequel?

yay! they are back!

how can her parents be so heartless...