Just Friends - Comments

i really really love it.
It would be an amazing full story.

It's really good , i like it ! I think it would be a good idea to make it a story :)

it wasn't half bad. my thoughts: you could have used a bit more description rather than including links to what your characters look like. proofread - remember hyphenated words and dashes, don't use numbers in formal writing, etc. it was a good idea to accent the characters, but perhaps there was a bit much. i also feel that the "her thoughts/reality" and slashed out words were unnecessary; you could have done without.

the dialog is not backed up by narration, giving off the feel of a screenplay rather than a book. the characters are short with one another, and the reader could feel rushed to read it as if it were a tennis match. that could be the intention in this case, but more narration would make the flow a bit more comfortable.

good story, nonetheless. :]