One thing I want to mention, first and foremost, was that I had to switch to the default site layout to view this story - the white-text-on-black-background was a bit hard on the eyes, overall. But that's more to do with me just being picky, I have to assume.
As I sometimes see with stories like this, I'd like to see a bit more characterization with Dan. He seems two-dimensional, and frankly a little stale. Likewise, Carrie is kind of the same; the mean husband who never says or does anything good and is only nasty, and the meek woman who just wants to escape. Not to say that doesn't echo real-life situations, of course, but in writing it cab bore the person reading it, who might hope for a twist.
I do dig how you managed to twist the song a bit, though. I'd expected a few stories to be based on that particular song, but I'd also expected them to follow a set cliche; someone leaving someone else, and "please don't leave me" and lots of tears, etc. I was rather pleased to find something a bit in this one; something darker, and more...morbid, I suppose. It was interesting to read.
One thing I want to mention, first and foremost, was that I had to switch to the default site layout to view this story - the white-text-on-black-background was a bit hard on the eyes, overall. But that's more to do with me just being picky, I have to assume.
As I sometimes see with stories like this, I'd like to see a bit more characterization with Dan. He seems two-dimensional, and frankly a little stale. Likewise, Carrie is kind of the same; the mean husband who never says or does anything good and is only nasty, and the meek woman who just wants to escape. Not to say that doesn't echo real-life situations, of course, but in writing it cab bore the person reading it, who might hope for a twist.
I do dig how you managed to twist the song a bit, though. I'd expected a few stories to be based on that particular song, but I'd also expected them to follow a set cliche; someone leaving someone else, and "please don't leave me" and lots of tears, etc. I was rather pleased to find something a bit in this one; something darker, and more...morbid, I suppose. It was interesting to read.
Good job!