I liked the way you included the lyrics by using them to break up each part of the story and how they perfectly described the scene they corresponded with.
I liked Jamie and Brian's relationship, but I think that there could have been more to it if you had've included more of them talking with each other or some background info of them (besides when they first met).
You have basically perfect grammar because I noticed no grammatical or punctuation errors whatsoever. Your description was very good also.
I just felt that there should have been more to the relationship because even though Brian was missing her, I just didn't feel it. I also think you should have maybe included Jamie's perspective as well, while Brian was away - just to give it more depth.
Good luck in my contest - the winners will be announced very soon. ^^
I liked the way you included the lyrics by using them to break up each part of the story and how they perfectly described the scene they corresponded with.
I liked Jamie and Brian's relationship, but I think that there could have been more to it if you had've included more of them talking with each other or some background info of them (besides when they first met).
You have basically perfect grammar because I noticed no grammatical or punctuation errors whatsoever. Your description was very good also.
I just felt that there should have been more to the relationship because even though Brian was missing her, I just didn't feel it. I also think you should have maybe included Jamie's perspective as well, while Brian was away - just to give it more depth.
Good luck in my contest - the winners will be announced very soon. ^^