Playing God - Comments

In this chapter, I'm glad that you actually brought the grandmother home, instead of just leaving her out of the story once they were done in the hospital, especially since quite a lot of the story seems to revolve around her being in the hospital. She's had a huge impact on Mikey's life and I'm really interested to see if Gerard's life turns around now that she's returned from the hospital.

I couldn't help but smile when Frank came back from his vacation. I like Gerard's new attitude and it was adorable how he greeted Frank.

It seems that Mikey's grandmother really is the centerpoint of this family. When she returned, everyone took on a new light, especially Gerard. It's amazing how much he changed. I really think this story is, at it's heart, a story about family. That's the vibe I get at least and I really like that.

:cheese: I thought I was going to get sick myself when Mikey drank the vinegar. It seems like he is the only one who hasn't really improved by his grandmother coming home. To be honest, he kind of reminds me of Gerard, who I think he is slowly turning into. :|

Your descriptions of Gerard were horribly beautiful. I could picture perfectly how skinny he was and it was awful. Just... oh dear.

:cheese: My idea was right; I had a feeling that it would be God who the prompt would be about and that speech was the perfect place to use it. To be honest, I was starting to wonder if the prompt was going to get used at all (:shifty) so I'm glad you put it in at the end.

Oh my God. I didn't even realize that it was Gerard's funeral until you mentioned the word coffin. And on Mikey's birthday... that's enough to literally make me want to cry. :cheese: That was a beautiful ending to an amazing story. I love how you detailed Mikey's faith, both his almost obsession with it and then ultimately losing it. I'm not a religious person but I think you described perfectly. Thank you for entering in my contest. :arms:

Wow.
I hope you are aware you made me cry :L That was so beautiful; seriously. Amazing.
Thanks xo
Thanks sooo much

I can't believe you killed him.
though, it was really beautiful to show how Micheal's believe was just one death away from fading... But you can't blame him.
This is one story to remember.

Although I noticed it in the earlier chapters, it's just striking me now just how often the members of Michael's family are referred to as "the." It kind of makes them seem more like objects to him instead of his blood relatives. I'm not sure if that was the impression you wanted bring across but that's what it makes me feel.

:cheese: Over the course of the story, it seems like Mikey is getting more and more disconnected from the real world as he thinks that God is the answer for everything. That scene where he was eating the food from the trash can confused me at first but it actually made my stomach churn. I think this is only the beginning but seeing as there's only one more chapter left, (I believe) I'm not sure what else it could build up to.

Michael doesn’t know how much minutes passed by... I thought that sentence in particular sounded really awkward. If the word time had been there instead of minutes, it probably would have flowed better. That bit just stood out to me as sounding awkward.

Although I'm glad Mikey and Gerard had that quite profound conversation about God, I was actually more glad when Gerard said he didn't need to be saved. For a few moments, I was disappointed that Gerard was just going to immediatly accept God like that so I'm glad you didn't just drastically change his character. It also makes me feel for Mikey; he just wants to save his brother but Gerard doesn't want to be.

The ending was also done very good. I'm thinking it'll either be Gerard or Frank at the door, but I'm not entirely sure. I have no idea what is going to happen in the final chapter, although I have a feeling that their grandmother might pass away. I must admit however, this was probably my least favorite chapter of the story. Some of the wording seemed a little awkward and it just didn't keep my attention like the other three did. However, I'm excited to see just how you're going to end this. :D

Im so pissed off with my self - I only found this story now -.-'
I really love this xo xoxox

Amazing chapter. Simply amazing.

wow, this is really an amazing story! I can't wait to see how it progresses..

Yeah, you're going to win. Like, hands down. It's so good, dude. And so long. You're pretty much amazing, and I love you, and if you don't get first place, either the thing that wins was written by fucking God or something is wrong in the world. Really, amazing.

Once again, I love the layout of this story, meaning how it jumps back and forth in time. We're learning about a style of writing in English class called magic realism and in a way, this story reminds me of it, although it's rooted much more in reality than magic realism usually is. :XD

I love how you described when Gerard's love for drawing began. It's in a lot of fanfictions, mainly because it's true, but most authors just say that he loved to draw and that's the end of it. The additional detail you gave to it gave us another little interesting fact about Gerard, whose character quite fascinates me.

Your description of vodka was perfect. I won't lie and say I haven't tried it, but it is awful tasting and smelling. It reminds me of nail polish to be perfectly honest.

Gerard being an alcoholic is also something I've seen in numerous stories but the way you describe it is quite unique, mainly because of the viewpoint it's being witnessed through. Here we have this very Catholic young man watching his brother destroy himself and he feels helpless. It's not something I've seen before but I cannot help but wonder just what kind of impact this is going to have on Mikey as he grows older.

That scene with Frank and Mikey in his bedroom was probably one of my favorite of the entire story so far. Even though Mikey is a very strict Catholic, I love how he's accepting of Frank and Gerard's relationship, because I know that quite a few Catholic's are accepting of homosexuals but they don't necessarily approve. I just think it was a very honest scene and it laid out just how deteriorated Gerard was getting. And it scares me how Mikey is starting to show signs of deteriorating as well, by not eating.

This is definitely not going in the direction I initially expected but that is quite a good thing. Each chapter has kept me on my toes and I'm definitely excited for the next. :)

Before I talk about this chapter I want to say something about a previous one. At the end of the first chapter Michael said something about learning about sacrifices in church. I was wondering, since it was all dramatic and most people picked up on that, is that line going anywhere? That one line was very intriguing and I want to know if it still has a part to play somewhere.

This chapter definitely shows Gerard in a new light. We knew he was throwing up before this but now there is a whole background to it. Gerard has drinking problems in other stories but for some reason it is different here. I don't what it is about the way you write it but it is wonderfully unique, I feel.

Michael's relationship with Gerard is interesting. He obviously cares and looks up to Gerard a lot. The thing about the picture was quite scary, although that might have just Michael's thoughts on it.

I feel bad for Frank. He is so worried about Gerard and so in love with him at the same time. I hate to think what happened at the end. But to be honest, Frank was a saint for sticking it out with Gerard as long as he did.

I hope Gerard can be 'saved'. I presume Michael is going to do a little more than just pray for him, though. Maybe something to do with sacrifice?

Wow, If I thought the last chapter was heavy after reading that, this is twice as huge. There are so many things in it, so many new little pieces of information that we get about Gerard. Before, there was no way at all to tell just how fucked up he was, how bad he still is, but now we know. It's as if we've seen it first hand, although we've only seen it through the narrator's and Mikey's eyes. That's some very awesome story-telling and description, babe. :arms:

I'm gonna do this like I did last time ,and divide it into the different parts, becasue that sure does make commenting easier. :tehe:

1. I absolutely adore how naive Mikey is at the age of twelve. He really just looks up to Gerard so much, and he wants so much for him to be happy, and to be close to him, to be a good friend and brother to him. And it's so sweet how he has never before seen that dark side of Gerard, the depressed part, the shadow that he hides deep inside of himself whenever he's out amongst people.

The way he is first freaked out about the strange drawing is really sweet. He was really not expecting that, and he was clearly not aware of Gerard drawing things that was so bad. He probably knew it wasn't all sunshine and flowers since he knew there were some more reality based drawings of Gerard's, but to see something so dark and graphic really shocked his little mind. I particularly loved the phrase too many shades of black in that part of the chapter. It really works for Mieky to say that, as in Christianity, white is the color of everything nice and pure.

Then, him finding Gerard like that, passed out and sleeping off one hell of a hangover, that was a really harsh blow to Mikey. He's just a little child, he doesn't know what to think, or believe when he finds his brother like that. He just knows that something is very wrong. Him not knowing what Vodka is was very sweet too. And that he simply brought it up to the kitchen table, just to make sure Gerard didn't have it and hurt himself more.
I have a feeling that their father might have had a go at Gerard that night, automatically blaming Gerard for the liqueur in his house. :(

2. I was right last time, when I asked if Gerard was making himself throw up, wasn't I? I wonder if he's actually eating and throwing up, or just drinking and throwing up, though. Mikey says that Gerard never eats with the family anymore, but he can of course have snacks or whatever down in his room. Or sneak up to the kitchen in the middle of the night during a weak moment, only to go and throw up before it gets the chance to please his stomach.

Mikey's worries about him are really sweet, I think. It's cute how he can't sleep or anything because he's so insanely worried about his brother, who isa grown man and should be able to take care of himself. But Mikey can see that he doesn't, and he sees through the bad excuses about Gerard's various illnesses.

I think it's good that Gerard doesn't admit to anything, and that Mikey keeps pushing for a while, before just observing in silence. It fits both of their characters very well, and you instantly know that Gerard really does those things to himself. Mikey's calm, silent way of understandign and observing is something so incredibly Catholic I don't even know just how to describe it. :XD He reminds me of how typical priests are, just calm and loving and completely relaxed. He doesn't get mad, or upset. He only prays for people (Gerard) to get better, for God to bless them and forgive their sins.

I wonder exactly what Gerard was thinking about when he asked that question, about forgiveness. I'm sure it could be about the drinking and purging, but I think it could also be about his sexuality, because it seems that Mikey and the family doesn't really know about it yet. I suppose it could be just about anything, though.

3.
I feels so bad for Frank now. He cares so much about Gerard, and he's so in love with him, it's really obvious. If he didn't love Gerard, he wouldn't stick around when Gerard fucked himself up like this. He wouldn't torture himself by watching someone who had the greatest potential to be an extraordinary man, slowly destroy himself like that. He knows that Gerard isn't himself, though, not when he's under any kind of influence, and it's obvious that he's really trying to talk to him while he's sober.

But Gerard doesn't want to let himself be talked to, or he doesn't care about anything anymore. He wants to kill his pain, but he's just digging the hole of it deeper and deeper. And Mikey and Frank alone can't do a thing to help him, they don't have the power to do it, and even if God is Mikey's best buddy, he most likely doesn't see this as the right time to step in and do something for Gerard. I think it's great that Mikey is keeping the truth from his mom, to spare her from any more pain, but I believe that they need their parents' help to get Gerard out of his hole of self-destruction.

When they were eating dinner, and Mikey doesn't actually eat anything, what is that about? I really don't get it. Is it a sacrifice to God to help Gerard get better? Is it a way to try and feel what Gerard has been feeling for all these years, of not eating properly? I believe that the sacrifice theory is more likely to be correct, since sacrifice is mentioned in the first chapter. Does this mean that from now on, sacrifice will be a bigger part of the later parts of the story? That through sacrifice, Mikey will keep trying to save Gerard?
Yes, I ask lots of questions. :tehe:

The ending here made me very sad. I believe that what we heard from Gerard's room, was a breakup, and it's obviously not that surprising. No matter how much Frank loves Gerard, there's a limit to how much a man can take. I really do hope that Frank will be back, though, that Frank will come back and help save Gerard, because I think he might be the only one who can do it. With assistance from Mikey (and God?), of course.

-

This is such an amazing story. It's on a completely new level, and I am so proud of you for writing this. For using your prompt to do something that's so out there and different. I mean, I would never have thought to do it, so I'm glad the prompt came to the right person who could really execute such a brilliant story idea and do it well.
I'm so proud to be your friend and beta-reader of this.

I keep getting this idea in my head that the prompt is going to refer to God himself, that Mikey doesn't think he'd ever be angry. I'm not sure, that's just the idea I keep getting. I like how in this chapter, you went back to Mikey being ten years old again; although it could get a little confusing, I think you're going to pull it off.

I definitely wasn't expecting Mikey and Gerard's father to be abusive, or a drunk, especially since Mikey seems to be raised very well. It's a nice plot development and I can't help but wonder what happens to their father later on in the story, if he sticks around or if something happens to him.

I love the Mikey character you've created in this... actually, it doesn't even feel right calling him Mikey, because he's not. He's Michael and he sounds like the exact kind of Catholic who would shove his beliefs down your throat, even if he doesn't realize it. He's the oddball of sorts in his family, which I quite like; if the entire clan had been majorly religious, I think it might have been a little overbearing.

I am very interested to see what is going to happen as the story continues and I'm especially interested in watching Mikey's belief's grow. And of course, I'm interested in knowing how you use my prompt. :D

Wow! So this chapter is pretty amazing. I think Michael is one of my favorite characters of all time. I love him and how he is unquestionably and lovingly devoted to God. I think I said something in the last comment about me having a fascination with people like him. I think he and his beliefs are beautiful.


Gerard is also a really nice character. I like how he is different to Michael, but they get along so well. And I also like how Michael mentioned something about it not being right that Gerard looked weak and scared when he was being attacked by his father. The way he did react was quite realistic though. It's good that Michael could barely grasp what was going on but he knew it was wrong. It's hard to portray things from the innocence of a child but you do it just right.

I can't wait for the next chapter because I really want to see where you are going with this. I especially like the time jumps, by the way. It's a good way to see how Michael matures and how his family evolve. It's also nice to see how Michael's belief in God is always present.

You write beautifully, my dear, and I can't wait for more of this wonderful phenomenon of a story to continue.

Wow, there's a lot of new, heavy information in this chapter. I really like that, and that each part is just enough information. There are huge bits about Gerard and his troubles, but also about Mikey and how he was shaped into the very faithful Catholic that he is, and the mixture of that is very good.

Part 1.
Gerard being abused was horrible. We don't know exactly what happened to him, if he was beaten up badly, or if worse things happened To me it kind of seemed that it did. I love the fact that their father told Mikey to leave the room because he didn't want Mikey to see or know about the horrible things he was about to do to Gerard, even when he was drunk. You'd think that he wouldn't care much about Mikey either, but I like that he did.

The way Mikey went back to see what was going on was good too, and that after seeing Gerard trying to escape, he just resorted to doing what he did best; praying. He has such absolute faith in God, and I find that so sweet. It's very naive of him, I think it is of all religious people that have blind faith in something they can't see or touch, but it works with his character.

I'm not sure in which part this was in, but I love that Mikey thinks that if he just prays enough, he can save Gerard too, even if Gerard doesn't believe in God and actually sins every day.

Part 2.
Was Gerard making himself throw up?
It really seemd like that to me, because the "nausea" came very suddenly and the explanation didn't make sense because there isn't much sugar in pop corn. At least I've never found them to taste sugary. They're very salty, and that can make you throw up, but yeah. If he was throwing up willingly, it only adds more problems to his soul, and I think that makes him very beautiful, and I'm happy that he's happy with Frank now.

Other than that, this part really showed how amazing their relationship as brothers is, and that is very good. Considering they're so different because of Mikey's deep belief in God, and Gerard's disbelief + the fact that he's gay, it's amazing that they can still be so close. Adding the fact that Gerard is six(?) years older, it's really awesome, since it's easy to drift apart in your teens.

Part 3.
Their reactions to Nan's illness are beautiful. It's obvious to everyone who reads that she is a very loved woman and family member, and that no one really knows where they'll be heading if she ever goes away. Frank being there, but leaving as soon as the news are revealed, is a nice touch too. I think that Gerard actually wanted him to be there, to be kind of a safety net for him, and that's why he leaves to hide out in his room as soon as Frank has gone.

Mikey so wants to be the perfect son, the perfect family member and obviously the perfect catholic. I think it's really sweet of him to stay with his mom, knowing that she's most likely hurting more than both him and Gerard. Praying and believing is the most tangible connection between the two, and so that's how he comforts her, which is so Mikey.

He says that they will save her.
I think this is where the title comes from. No man can decide when another shall die, unless he kills them himself, and so this is sorta like Playing God. It's meant to sound comforting, to soothe his mother in this bad time, but it has two sides.

I still think Mikey is idolizing Gerard in a way that resembles his belief in God, but I don't really believe that there's a connection between Gerard and God like I used to.
I can't wait to see how this masterplan of yours will keep unfolding. :tehe:

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get around to reading the first chapter. School takes up way too much of my time. :cheese:

I love how you described each of the guests but it didn't seem like you were describing them. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it just seemed natural the way you wrote it. I also love how the first chapter is from a child's point of view; I'm always impressed when an author does that, just because I know from experience how difficult it can be to write.

That description of Gerard was also quite well done. You can instantly tell that he's going to be a very important character in this story, even though his paragraph was the same layout as the rest. The words you chose instantly brought across the point that there was something about him that was different.

I love how you've made Mikey this incredibly religious man with a somewhat untypical view of homosexual's. He sounds way more grown up than his age though and I'm starting to wonder just how immersed in his religion he's going to become.

And I'm in agreement with everyone else; that last line was amazingly powerful. It was very ominous to end with and I'm definitely wondering what the next chapter will contain. I'm also wondering how the prompt will relate to the story.

This is quite good so far and I'm very happy you chose my contest to write it for. :)

I love this first chapter so much and I'm sure I will equally adore each of the other chapters you have to post. I'm certainly going to subscribe!

I loved the last line...I do have my theories as to how it's going to become significant to the rest of the story, but for now i'll keep them to myself because i've got a feeling that i'm going to be proved wrong! I know it's going to be totally surprising and i can't wait to find out what happens next.

I also love the relationship between Gerard and Michael. It seems to me like they're complete opposites, but I love the way that they are able to understand each other's differences and become interested in each other's lives. Michael's not judgemental about Gerard's sexuality like a fair number of religious people are, which just shows how much of a unqiue and special bond they have between each other.

A very intriguing first chapter. I can't wait for the next update :arms:

I am so in love with this.
Mikey's naivety and admiration for Gerard when he's little is adorable, and still when he got older. I also love that Mikey wants to make Gerard believe in God, but still accepts Gerard as he is. I love that Gerard is accapting of his familiy too, and is interested in what Mikey has learned.

BUT. The second part of this chapter makes me think that there's some connection between Gerard and God. There's so many things that hint toward it, like that power that's mentioned in the first part, and then the second part. Mikey looking up to Gerard so much, and Gerard being so understanding and accepting as he is... I think there has to be something weird about that.

I really love the way it's told, about how Catholicism is something so natural in Mikey's life, how it has always been there. It's just like how he slept in his pyjamas because he was used to it. It's only natural. I think this is very nice to read, because much like in Unholyverse, it's a look into what it's like to have religion like that. I've never had religion as a constant in my life, and so I can't imagine what it's like to believe that blindly and to trust a higher power like that. I know that you've grown up in a Catholic home, and that comes across very nicely in this story. It's very useful, because it will most likely be very realistic as the story keeps unfolding.

The fact that God is mentioned so much in the narration is very effectful too. I love it. :inlove:

I really can't wait to read the rest of this story. I do have my little suspicions on what's going to happen, but at the same time are those ideas of mine not that believable. It would be too simple, and God knows that you'd never write anything simple. :tehe:

This is gorgeous. :arms:

You've already read this comment, but I thought I'd make it visible to others too. :con:

*Subscribes*

:cheese: The last line was brilliant. It was simple and would be ordinary on in the middle of a story, but because it was at the end it was amazing. I'm hooked. :D

Of course it was amazing, you wrote it. ;) And I love Michael's love for God. People like that have always interested me, even though I'm not a believer myself. He is really sweet.

I can't wait for the next chapter! :arms:



Edit: This comment has way to many faces. I apologize.

i was reading this even though i was having a headache, and it swear it just made my headache subside.

oh my gosh, i'm hooked.
just the layout alone, and the summary is so attractive. it made me feel curious... i chanced upon the summary the other day, and when you told me you were going to post the first chapter i was ecstatic.
safe to say, you didn't fail to deliver!
XD
though the first chapter is just the introduction, it had me wondering what on EARTH is going to happen next...
:don:
i'll be waiting patiently for the next update!
*SUBSCRIBED*

:cheese:

I have a feeling right off the bat that this is going to be a very interesting story. Your summary has already got me hooked and I'm especially interested to see how you tie the prompt in.

I'm subscribing right now. :D