Change Your Ways - Comments

Very brilliant and awesome! :) I like it -- especially this part:

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I fucked up. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I guess deep down I was still mad about you and Alex dating, even though you knew I liked him. Which was stupid, I know. I told you to date him. But what was I going to say? ‘No, I like him, back off,’ when I honestly thought it was just a stupid school girl crush?” Jac sighed. “I was upset, and I decided to take it out on you. I’m so sorry, Dani.”

Dani sighed and looked away, wiping a tear from her eye. “This doesn’t make what you did right. This doesn’t mean I accept your apology or that I want to be your friend ever again. But I guess I should have realized that one day, you were going to get him. You always do.”

Jac started crying. “That’s not what it was about! I was just mad and I wasn’t even thinking straight.”

“Whatever, Jac. I have to go, I’ll see you around.” Dani shut the door, shutting out any chance of the two girls making up with it.

Jacqueline Quinn was not perfect. She tended to get any boy she wanted, and without a second thought usually. Sometimes that meant taking people’s boyfriends. Jac had a reputation for being a whore, for being the girl you don’t want your boyfriend anywhere near, but, until this moment, she had been okay with that. She didn’t care if girls hated her.

Now, she had fucked up. She needed to make a change in her life. She now didn’t just have any girls hating her, but her best friend since third grade never wanted to see her or speak to her again. She was determined to change her ways, to clean up her act. She had been a victim of a selfish kind of love, the kind where she broke hearts just to get whatever she wanted, and it was time she fix that.

This is great! I have a suggestion: you should make a sequel to this story, and put Michael Jackson in it as someone who helps her. :) (I noticed that you misspelled "girls", so I fixed it for you. Hope you don't mind.)
Keep up your super-neat, very brilliant and phenomenal writing! :)

Amazing! <3

i think you were as creative with the song as you could be. it was definitely more restricting because the lyrics were so specific, but i think that an original fiction about a male character would've served a stronger purpose. because we're talking about a man in the mirror, it wouldn't have been corny to use a guy for your protagonist. it's the story behind the character that i'm interested in. all in all, a good read. i enjoyed it.

thanks for entering!