I noticed a couple of errors in your story, and I don't want to report you, it seems too cruel, so I'll just point them out. :shifty
- Your title: You might want to capitalize the first letter of every word, it looks more appealing, you'll probably get more readers, and the editors won't jump as so quickly into your story for errors.
First Paragraph - Sam Carter was the lead singer for the UK band, Architects. He wasn't a normal person as he was in a band which one could consider famous; many hardcore and scene kids had the band in their top listens. But this wasn't the only reason for his irregularity. He also suffered a mental illness. It was one that was laughed at, and people commonly enjoyed imitating people with this illness so he wasn't open about it at all. It was a rarity amongst his fans, and if one found it the others denied it profusely, so it stayed as a lone rumor. He ignored it for the most part, as will we. This is a day in the life of Sam Carter.
In the second sentence I believe you used a semi-colon wrong, use a comma there instead, reason for his irregularity. He also suffered a mental illness. It was one that was laughed at, Here I don't think you have to use so many full stops, as the sentences are closely related the same topic, well it pretty much is the same topic; you seem to do this numerous times in your story.
- There are too many short sentences, I know short sentences aren't bad but too many disturbs the flow, then the story is hard to get into. In paragraphs 8, 11 and the final one, your dialog tags aren't used correctly: "Who're you?" He asked bluntly. The He should be he, I'm not sure if you knew you did that or it was just an accident, but I thought I'd highlight it.
And that's all I have to say really. Please don't hate me for doing this.
September 1st, 2009 at 04:04pm
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I noticed a couple of errors in your story, and I don't want to report you, it seems too cruel, so I'll just point them out. :shifty
- Your title: You might want to capitalize the first letter of every word, it looks more appealing, you'll probably get more readers, and the editors won't jump as so quickly into your story for errors.
First Paragraph - Sam Carter was the lead singer for the UK band, Architects. He wasn't a normal person as he was in a band which one could consider famous; many hardcore and scene kids had the band in their top listens. But this wasn't the only reason for his irregularity. He also suffered a mental illness. It was one that was laughed at, and people commonly enjoyed imitating people with this illness so he wasn't open about it at all. It was a rarity amongst his fans, and if one found it the others denied it profusely, so it stayed as a lone rumor. He ignored it for the most part, as will we. This is a day in the life of Sam Carter.
In the second sentence I believe you used a semi-colon wrong, use a comma there instead, reason for his irregularity. He also suffered a mental illness. It was one that was laughed at, Here I don't think you have to use so many full stops, as the sentences are closely related the same topic, well it pretty much is the same topic; you seem to do this numerous times in your story.
- There are too many short sentences, I know short sentences aren't bad but too many disturbs the flow, then the story is hard to get into. In paragraphs 8, 11 and the final one, your dialog tags aren't used correctly: "Who're you?" He asked bluntly. The He should be he, I'm not sure if you knew you did that or it was just an accident, but I thought I'd highlight it.
And that's all I have to say really. Please don't hate me for doing this.