Aww I thought that this was really sweet. The first paragraph where you described how he couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of Brynley was written very well. However, I do think you made him fall in love with her a little too quickly, like the first night he'd met her and barely knew anything about her. But I do think the emotions were expressed very well.
OMG!!! you should write in the dudes POV more often!! I loved it! Just a few errors that I've told you bout lol :pat: <- LMFAO! You did an amazing job!
September 7th, 2009 at 07:40pm
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The first paragraph where you described how he couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of Brynley was written very well. However, I do think you made him fall in love with her a little too quickly, like the first night he'd met her and barely knew anything about her. But I do think the emotions were expressed very well.
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