Breathe. - Comments

I honestly don't know what to say. This was very poetic in a sense that was somewhat overwhelming. Your style was definitely your own. The descriptions were beautiful and elegant in many ways; I can’t even count on both hands. At times though, I did find myself getting lost in your words and that wasn’t so much a good thing. I think your prose was a little too strong for me, but I did however, love the concept of seeing someone who is beyond beautiful that you could just write a song about them, so that made me smile and you do have a way with words as well. This was lovely.

Can I have your babies? Seriously.

I think you're like my hero of this site.
I can't think of anything I have read by you that I haven't liked.

Write something bad please?
But I don't think that's possible.

:/

One Shot for One Shot.

This was beautiful.
I love that it's present tense, that's something that's rarely done well and I love it.
It's a little bit cutesy for my liking, but that's probably just me. I'm all break-ups and crying, y'see.
It is a very sweet fic overall.
The ending was the best, just a simple line that closes it off. It's very effective.

Simply adorable, in writing form.

On Shot for One Shot.

I like the concept: clearly a sort of infatuation love, here. I'd like to see a follow up, where everything turns sour. But I'm a sadistic git like that.

Your writing style is okay: sometimes the sentences seemed a bit too long but I think that gives it your own style. I love the present tense of this story: it fits with the flickering of love: it's quickness and using past tense would almost make it seem dead which is not the route that should be taken.

Imagery-wise, it is okay. A few nudges into the cliché but it's not...over-powering. I'm relatively tuned to notice this sort of thing.

Also, the end, I really loved. The simplest and most effective line in your piece. I imagined a large gasp than a simple little breath.

Overall, it's really good. If you edited ot, I think, it could make it better but almost equally, it could make it worse. Leave it as it is.

Lovely. :cute:

I was like :o the ENTIRE time...that was really good! I felt lik I could actually see the character..your anawsome writer..this is..wow, this is about the BEST I've read..and I read a lot. PLEASE CONTINUE!

I agree with Kerisa, it was so touching and emotional.
Your description's taking on a new branch, which is interesting, but careful not to lose your own style in the process.
However, very well done, hun. :arms:

The description was very well written, but it was a bit flowery for my taste. I prefer writing with good description, but not pages and pages of it, to an extent where the reader almost loses interest in the topic. But that's just my oppinion. I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. Constructive critasism.

One Shot For One Shot (:

my hearts been replaced by winged creatures, their wings bashing against my framework and I can feel my heart smashing against my ribcage, the blood thrashing against the inner casing of my veins and I feel like falling to the floor like a limp rag doll. I love these two lines, they're gorgeous. Your descriptions are just so lovely.
I adored all of this, to be honest. It was amazing. The detail you put into it was fantastic, and I can tell how much you like Fluffyboy :3 :arms:

....thats all i got, it was amazing.

One Shot For One Shot!

I absolutely loved it. The descriptions were wonderful. Seriously. This was really well written.

I adore this.