Red, Heart-Shaped Balloons - Comments

(: Your'e sweet

Very bittersweet and neat! :)

Thanks you. (:

I looked back up. And then at my red, heart-shaped balloon. Suddenly, I let it go. I let go of the balloon and watched as it floated up to where I thought Heaven would be. It floated up to Stanley. Maybe he’ll catch it, I thought. And if it reaches Heaven, and if Stanley does catch it, he’ll know it’s from me.

that was my favorite part of the whole piece. particularly the last line. this was.......pretty. :)) that's how i would describe it.

this was very sad, but, i loved it. for some reason i expected something different, but so glad by the actual outcome of this. (:

Well, when she says he's loving her, she's assuming he's in Heaven, and that everyone loves in Heaven.

She didn't save him because she was in shock.

She's holding the balloon because it's Valentine's Day and the aniversary of Stanley dying on the saem day.

Grammatical errors, as in... your tenses were jumbled up. Past and present tenses - work on that. Also, your sentence structure wasn't too smooth at one point, but it was nothing too bad.

I looked up, and smiled. I smiled at God. I smiled at Heaven. I smiled at Stanley. He’s looking down on me, loving me, even though I killed him. I killed him, and he loves me. Huh. Who would’ve thought?

I don't get how the girl could've concluded for herself that Stanley still loved her. It doesn't make much sense for her to decide for herself. I think it would've been more appropriate if you'd used maybe in this part?

Anyway, I loved how you ended it with the whole balloon thing. Oh, another piece that doesn't fit perfectly in the puzzle: why didn't she save him? Being an idiot isn't a real reason. She was just standing there, watching him die? That's it? That doesn't make sense. She could've been afraid of saving him and drowning herself, or she could've been too late or something, sure; so what's the reason? And why was she holding the balloon in the first place? Sure, it was Valentine's Day, but not everyone has a balloon on Valentine's Day. What was the reason for her balloon?

The story didn't flow as well as it could have, nonetheless it was still pretty good. So all in all, good job. :]

I don't know, yet.

aw this was good to read! did you win the contest?

Thanks so much. I'm happy to hear that, overall, you like my story. I tried really hard on it. It's all I did when I got the picture.

Ah yes. The short sentences. I was having a huge brain lapse with what I wanted to do. So I wrote whatever came into my head while I thought about it.

The balloon part... That was the very first thing I thought of before I wrote it. I actually wrote the ending before the beginning. It my favorite part. :)

Thank you so much!

It was interesting, reading what your thoughts were when you received your picture.

Ah, three words above the minimum. Still counts :)

First off, everything was completely grammatically correct. I won't badger you about one misplaced letter or anything. -thumbs up-

One thing that I didn't like very much was how, in your entry, you wrote a lot of short sentences. An example would be:

I looked up, and smiled. I smiled at God. I smiled at Heaven. I smiled at Stanley.

Short sentences sound good in writing. I put them in essays and stories all the time, but it feels like in this one-shot, you used way too many of them. I might do the same thing and be unaware of it, because I wrote it myself.

A few short sentences here and there to emphasize your point is lovely, and it can make a written piece sound wonderful. But too much will make your story sound choppy in the paragraphs.

I was silently screaming at the main character to run outside and save Stanley. Seriously, who would let a kid drown? But of course, tragedy is appropriate and called for in a story, and since all of us are writers, we have the freedom to do whatever we please.

Love the last small paragraph, when the main character let go of the balloon in hopes of it floating up to Stanley. Cute.

Well done interpreting your picture, and best of luck!