Interruption of Service - Comments

I stupidly hit submit before finishing. the character Naomi was so real, I can imagine her as a person. She wasn't two dimensional like so many people in other stories. This was just breathtakingly beautiful. YOur writing style is interesting and brilliant to read through. This made me want to cry, but it was also really sweet. I was a tad bit confused at first, thinking Naomi was really young, but then when i realized she wasn't my mind was blown. The way you wrote this was flawless.

This was wonderful. The way you write is lovely.

This was beautiful. I lost my father to the disease, so this was very real for me. I could understand Naomi's pain and desire for the past.

I didn't see any grammatical and spelling errors, so there's that for you. (:

I enjoyed your language and sentence structures - when I read it, I read a mature author.

This has to be one of my favorite stories on Mibba. It's reminded me how much I miss my father, and I think it's something I needed. (: Recommending.

Wow! You are an amazing writer! Honestly, at first, I was a little confused, but the confusion was just so small. It didn't matter. The emotion and description in this is so amazing. I felt so bad for Naomi. And the fact that it's inspired by true events makes it even more beautiful.

Just the relationship of big brother and little sister is a very unique thing in fanfiction. Usually it's all incest...=\ Anywho, you wrote a wonderful masterpiece and I'm very impressed.

Keep up the great work :) You have truly inspired me.

Oh my god I'm crying :( That was so sad! You're such an amazing writer, and the fact that you could put that much emotion into is wonderful!
The only change I would really suggest is during the first flashback you kept saying 'he' before you said 'Tom' and I just got a little confused as to who was talking. Other than that everything was great! The emotion and descriptions really got to me, it made me feel like I was actually Naomi.
The thing that makes it the even more sad is that it's inspired by a true story. My heart goes out to you and Naomi. Hope they're treating your Dad well, where ever he is. <3

AWW! It's so sad! Really great description here and over all the whole story made me want to cry. Really loved it, you should write these more often. Keep up the good work!This reminds me kind of the time when my dad was in the hospital and how I felt. He's okay now, but just wow. Very good writing here. :3

(Sorry, forgot to add this.) This reminds me kind of the time when my dad was in the hospital and how I felt. He's okay now, but just wow. Very good writing here. :3

AWW! It's so sad! Really great description here and over all the whole story made me want to cry. Really loved it, you should write these more often. Keep up the good work!

This story was gorgeous! I love the time switching and the beautiful relationship between big brother and little sister. Your story made me want to cry. You've done a fabulous job with this, so congrats on a job well done! :D

This opened up a whole can of emotions for me and I think you wrote it beautifully. I'm not normally one for switching between different times, but it really worked here. Awesome xx

There's just so much raw emotion that's gone into this that I don't even want to begin to critique it. But I'll let the lump in my throat do all the talking.

Wow. Just....wow.

Oh, that was amazing. Your powers of description are so vivid. I loved the way you switched back and forth between the past and the present. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. And the bit about the fact that little Naomi had "something between her toes that could have been mud or cow flap"--THAT was priceless!

Where to begin. This is a very touching story, and it's very well-written. I have a hard time critiquing the writing, since the events of the story are really where the significance lies, but nonetheless here goes. Great opening line. The whole first paragraph is perfect - and that will make or break a piece. The entire first section was very atmospheric and well paced. I'm jealous of that sort of thing because I think it's something I struggle with. I have a hard time setting the tone without feeling like I'm dragging my feet.
You captured a great deal of emotion across a wide spectrum in such a short story. There was childish playfulness, wonder, excitement, shock, horror, and solemn dignity. My hat's off to you. I'm impressed.