November 29th, 2009 at 05:09am
My God, i was in tears.Its.....so sad..... She just lost her brother. Its sad how many people loose their family or friends from being in the military. Fantastic Job you definately deserve to win which ever competition this was entered in. I like how you used 'You' when she spoke about her brother. And going back between ages major events in her life...It's just so sad....
Ever think of continuing it? Like...how it hurt her and how it effected her life...and perhaps her love interest was also in the military? I don't know just a suggestion but i truely loved this one. I can't believe i haven't read it before!
Personally, I don't like the layout at all. It's not that it's messy or anything, it's just the fact that I simply don't find it appealing. If I were to run across this, I wouldn't read it simply because I don't like the layout.
I do like the title. It's a Death Cab for Cutie song yes? Dur, it say so in the summary.
I didn't find any spelling areas aside from things like gonna should be going to but that is your dialect so I'm not going to judge on that area.
This was a long one shot. I almost feel like it was too long. Like you had too much information for just one chapter. Maybe if it was drawn out into a full story I would like it more.
The stars are so far away; worlds away. You’re in a different world now.
I have to say that was my favorite line though.