Unspoken. - Comments

You have broken me. And my heart. It is in tiny pieces. Oh God.

ohaibb
It totally hasn't taken me forever and a half to write this because I kept getting distracted. Of course not (If we could do emoticons, there'd totally be the one here...)
So yeah, I do have the attention span of a squirrel, but, I are here now, and ready for business *serious face*

I love stories that start how you started yours, but I don't think I can explain what I mean. Like, I've seen it done a couple of times...but like...yeah, it's a really good start.

The first two paragraphs are amazing because there's so much thats unexplain, somethings that can barely be picked up on. For example the first paragraph where you've described how they're lying all cuddled up and *squish* and *awwwww* but you've also put "a sad expression on his face" and this kinda makes the reader sit back and think...Whut? Why is he sad?!

And then in the second line, "It feels so right, but it feels so wrong."

For real, I was lost.
Not in the bad way which makes me scoff and click off, the good way which has me re-reading everything to see if there's hidden clues in only the first two paragraphs. I really couldn't work it out. At this point, I thought that Frank and Gerard were married and Gerard was being all *angst*...because really, who's sad when cuddling up to Frank Iero?!

I love how...So like, it's really obvious that the characters reflections in the mirror are going to be doing the same as the character, but I love that you pointed it out anyway. It's a really nice touch that makes it a lot more interesting. It gives everything a lot more purpose a lot more thought. I love it.

In my opinion as well, things always look...different in a mirror.
I know it's a reflection but like...at the same time it's backwards. I don't know if I'm getting the right end of the stick or if I'm just making this up but like...because everything is backwards in the mirror, I think you're symbolising that...what Frank and Gerard are doing in real life is wrong...but in the mirror, which is backwards, it's right?
I don't...I can't explain what I'm thinking any better than that...
"Maybe, in the mirror things aren't like in the real word. What if things weren't as bad there? Gerard thinks he'd love to trade places if that's the case"

I love the way you contrast the male and female bodies, gave Gerard some confusion about the whole thing, because even though the reader can kind of guess now that Frank and Gerard aren't together together, that just kinda...I don't know, makes it official?

I love the breif background too. And how you didn't make it the soul of the story, but just...it lets the reader know how they met, what happened, how they got to where they are now blah-blah-blah. I love the fact as well that they're teachers, because I don't think that occupation has much relevance to this story, yet it gives them kind of...something more interesting than "We met at a gig/bar/shopping centre".
Plus, the whole co-workers thing does kind of give the reader that sense of "*shock* But they still have to work together!"

And he has kids! :o
Naughty Gerard. Tut tut.

"...and the gold of Gerard's wedding band disappeared into Frank's dark hair."
Um...hello most amazing imagery ever!
Like...I think thats so relevant to whats happening, the use of the word disappearing, kind of like...Gerard's just forgetting about his wife, she's disappeared from his mind, his thoughts, even if just for a short while because of Frank. Just.
I don't know if you planned that...but like...I do English Literature...we're kinda forced to pick apart every single line and make it into some kind of imagery/metaphore/something.

When Gerard says he can't see Frank anymore, no joke, my heart actually just cracked in two. I was all *sad face* NOOO! YOU LOVE HIM DAMNIT! AND HE LOVES YOU! *stamps feet childishly*
But alas, this story wouldn't have been half as good as it is if you'd have completely gone back on the entire point of the story just because it'd have made for a happy ending.

But then...but then you just twist the dagger, and the co-workers thing doesn't matter anymore, and the hope that they will see each other at work everyday and realise that they can't be without one another is denied because...because you send Frank off to New York! Because you're cruel and evil and mean if if I could I'd totally use the face on you. XD

I love that...that they can't seem to let each other go, like, they've accepted that they have to, but they just can't seem to do it. It makes me all sad faced and pouty.

"Again, the words 'I love you' hang unspoken in the air, never making it out of Frank's throat."
It makes me wonder what could have been if he had said it...
Nnnngh. *Curls up in a corner*

There's...I think what gets me about this is that there's no tears. At least no while they're together. A lot of people would have them sobbing all over the place and completely over-do it, but I think...I think the fact that they're refusing to cry in front of one another is even more heartbreaking :'(

The last paragraph just...ugh.
Did you hear that? It was the sound of my heart completely and utterly shattering!!! I just wanted to climb into your little fictional world with your too real characters and hug Frank or chase Gerard and drag him back to Frank or something to stop the sadness. Anything *sob*

Ending it with "I love you." is a truely fantastic touch. They're the words that are unspoken the words that could have possibly changed everything if only Frank had said them sooner. Using them as the ending is just...heartbreaking and wonderful and all the good stuff that you always give in a story.

You're completely wonderful, in the way you write, these characters you create and the situations you put them in.

Just...you're amazing.

That is all.

*hug*

[As if I just literally went to post this and mibba died on me. As if it hasn't taken long enough for me to get this comment to you! *flails*]

Wow. This almost made me cry.
Beautiful.

This was absolutely amazing! It made me cry terribly, infact I still am! Make more,you're very talented.

that was soo good! it brought tears to my eyes i just wish they would've said i love you to each other but the ending was bueatiful non the less.

that was just a great story flat out

This is absolutely amazing.

You have such a way with imagery- describing the bedroom, and the apartment -I even had a brief moment of picturing myself actually there, y'know?

I love Gerard's theory of the mirror, and how he thinks it might be better there. It reminds me of all the times I've wished reality were different. Which, in turn, makes this story feel more real to me.
Because honestly, regretting, and wishing is something humans do an awful lot, and I don't think that's seen enough in stories.

I love how Gerard's wedding band comes up so many times, instead of his family, specifically.
Instead of, "He pictured his wife at home, and cringed.", it's all about his wedding ring turning around his finger, or Frank kissing around it... just, great.
It makes it much more interesting, in an inexplicable way.

Especially this:
Frank's tongue dipped into Gerard's mouth as he responded, and the gold of Gerard's wedding ring disappeared into Frank's dark hair. - In the most unique way, it flawlessly describes how his marriage is sort of "disappearing" into this new situation. I love it.

For another thing, the fact that Gerard is on both sides with his feelings is so refreshing compared to the utter black-and-white feelings, y'know?
Like, instead of "Frank, I have to leave, now! I can't believe I did this!", or "Why did I ever marry her? I totally want to be with you, Frank. Psh, forget them.", Gerard is definitely struggling with it, secretly knowing he's in love with Frank, but knowing he wouldn't leave his family for anything, either.
And you just portrayed it so clearly, and realistically, I don't have words.

Not to mention Frank, and how deeply he wants to tell Gerard how he feels, with words.
It's so sweet, and desperate, I seriously started tearing up.

The slightly older man rolls over onto his back, pulling Frank with him so that he's lying with his head on Gerard's chest, his messy dark brown hair tickling Gerard's skin. Beautiful, beautiful.
And the best part is, it's not necessarily something all that "beautiful" in real life. It's such an average thing for most people, but here, it's just... wow.

I also really like how you give backbone to the story, when you explain how they met, and how it began. Otherwise the reader's just like, "So... wait... why, and how...?"
I mean, maybe that's just me, but... :shifty

And in the end, the fact that they aren't sobbing, all over each other- or worse, going at it "one last time" -really says something, and I love that fact that you ended it that way.
How they were both trying to be strong, and didn't break down.

I mean, this piece in it's entirety is absolutely incredible.
Well done.

Aw. That was absolutely beautiful. Poor Frank. I liked the way you switched from concentrating on Gerard's feelings to Frank's. It made it that much more painful when Gerard leaves because the audience has already gotten into his head. I also love the paradox between Gerard thinking that the reflection of him holding Frank looked so wrong, and Frank thinking that the reflection of him kissing Gerard's fingers looked so right. Great job!