RockStar - Comments

i reallyyy like this story!!! cant wait to read more

Jk. So yeah. I was entertained. How opportune for the driver to offer the free ride... No condom? She dom. Anyway, so Ryan isn't so much a stalker as he is a hunter trying to sink his "tooth" in. Well, stalker and hunter are essentially synonymous, but either way...

u koot /:OP

Great job baby. It was good. I never got confused about who was talking. THE END

First of, let me be a total spaz now: aksdhskajgfjsdgfnbdxuiabrehwuhudshd love.

Okay, now that's out of my system, we can move onto more meaningful things:

First off, I like the in medias res beginning, how you cut to the chase and chose not to introduce us to the characters through some sort of an introduction, but went straight to the main theme for the first chapter. It gave the storyline some dynamic and kept me focused on the actual story, rather than letting my mind wander because I could already predict the future plot.

In one of the latter paragraphs you used this " No matter where you were in Miami, the smell of beach lingered on every corner." I just really liked it. You used one simple sentence to paint a really pretty picture in my head. And, opposite to my expectations, you didn't carry on with the poetic descriptions, but rather took everything down a notch with the remark about the smell of the marijuana and then the final comical relief, Brooke's remark on Dani's boobs. I actually laughed out loud.

Furthermore, I like the way Dani ignored "the leader of the shitty band she'd just heard" xD You avoided the ultimate cliché and added some depth to your protagonist though she was still a bit bland throughout the first chapter. Whereas Brooke is a strongm well built character from the start, it has something to do with her personality, she's the kind of person that pops, whil Dani isn't, that's why she seemed bland to me. Which can be used as characterization now that I've come to think of it and I actually like that. Hopefully you'll get what I'm trying to say.

And the closing line about impregnation and eighteen years of child support. I d i e d.

Unlike in the first chapter, in the second Dani's character gets stronger, more defined and concrete in her dialog/banter with Ryan. I loved her agitated surprise when Ryan went all Wikipedia on her ass. xD The part where they argue about Bach vs. Händel ("Bach is such a beast - ROFL) - totally unusual for a story involving rock bands, unexpected and therefore bathed in pure, 100% awesomeness. FYI, I love classical music, especially Bach, so yeah, you've won me over just like that xD

"Apple Valley, Minnesota." NICE TOUCH. I laughed so much!

About Dani's later forwardness, it could have turned out really bad style-wise, but you've given us the backstory and actually provided the motive for her present actions. That was why I pointed this out - a lot of writers don't do that. They just hand us the final version of their characters instead giving us everything about them, people don't act because of the now, but because of a series of events from their past. So glad you always stand out from the rest! :]

The sex scene wasn't over the top, it wasn't porn, it was real, which is another rarity. Usually characters have instant exploding orgasms and whatnot, Rather than focusing on the graphic parts, you focused on their psyche. You mentioned how blood was pulsing in her teeth when she climaxed, I loved that detail, just makes it all the more real without any unnecessary graphic description.

All in all, Tas, I can't wait for the next chapter. Message me on Facebook when it comes out :]
Congrats on another amazing story.

tas.
you should feel special.
it's been a damn long time since i made a comment here.
shiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyiiiit gurrrlll.

first thought: zomg tvtv!

i like your description of miami in the first part...coz frankly people usually describe it and it sounds...idk. tacky, sort of. y'know?

i like the show scene too. it's really realistic and rough without being *too* realistic to the point that you're like "been there. done that. whatever"

then there's a little discrepancy - earlier they say they just graduated, then they say it's almost over. not really life ruining though ^.^

i like all the classical composer chitchat ^.^ it brings me backkkkkkk. lol wtf am i doing...
anywayyyssss.

i have to say, i wish there were more descriptions throughout it. the dialogue was good but it came off as weak until like the last part when you went into longer paragraphs and stuff - it was a lot better flow, if you ask me.

idk. this has been the weirdest review of a story ever but...yeah. i'm out of practice, don't hate.