Crying Skies - Comments

Layout / Summary

The layout is nice enough. I'm not a huge fan of the fact that the photo is a little choppy at the bottom but it's such a little thing that it doesn't take away from everything. Nice and simple, readable too.

I was going to mention that the summary was really small, but then I realised that this was the one-shot that I was commenting on, haha! Coupling the photo and the little one-liner together, it definitely looks interesting.

Content

That first line is definitely a hook in. I love when people open up one-shots with a single line that basically makes you just think 'eh, what?' because it pretty much guarantees that the rest of the story is going to be good.

I wasn't expecting the middle of this story. I started reading, just thinking this was going to be another heartbroken girl story. the description of the man was a little unsettling, and then you had that description of what happened and I was definitely thrown for a loop! Didn't expect it at all, and it made me sit up and pay more attention for sure.

What I found most interesting about this story, though, was the idea of realism that comes with it. I see so many stories on here where the victim just gets over it so quickly and doesn't even think of it ever. I know that some people cope in that way, but I've known a victim of rape personally, and she didn't get over it easily at all. It was a serious struggle and at one point, people didn't know if she was going to pull through. I think this story is set apart from the others because it doesn't romanticise anything as other stories does, it tells the stark, cold truth. That's amazing.

Concrit

as she sat at on the windowsill -- I don't think at should be there.

he wish she could know, wish she could feel, wish she could belong to. -- all instances of wish should be wished.

Paramedics doesn't need to be capitalised.

Overall

I'm a little bit lost for words. This was definitely a good piece, your writing style is amazing and this story is just... I think everyone should read this because it's incredible.

I'm speechless. That was simply amazing. Everything. Extra points because I absolutely love the layout.

This was very emotional.
It was all so beautiful.
This made me want to cry while I was reading it.
But, everything was great! Good job!

thank you very much for your entry!!! i loved it very much! :D

Very powerful. I honestly think that's the best thing I can say. It was only a one-shot, but you were able to fill it with soo much emotion.

oh wow, that was very well done. the emotional turmoil was evident, and well portrayed.

This was so good!
I'm in the Falling Down contest too, I like to check out my competition but this is so good I love it :)
It's a little like mine...I think our characters would connect :)
x

Oh wow :O
I'm rather speechless after that. That was brilliant!
I loved the whole thing, it's hard to find anything wrong with it.
I loved the last line the most, and how the title tied in rather nicely in it!!
A few errors but nothing that would ever ruin your chances, I wouldn't even both checking for them haha.
Good work and good luck!!