Mm, that was pretty good. I especially liked your first sentence - I don't know why, but it caught my attention.
Punctuation mistakes... And I think only a few grammatical errors, if at all. Nothing major, though. You should really proofread it at least once. It says crack instead of crack, and "I shallow hard." instead of "I swallow hard.".
Oh, and I think it would've been better in past tense. Like, instead of "I swallow hard", I think it'd sound better if it was "I swallowed hard". I don't know, that's just my opinion.
Punctuation mistakes... And I think only a few grammatical errors, if at all. Nothing major, though. You should really proofread it at least once. It says crack instead of crack, and "I shallow hard." instead of "I swallow hard.".
Oh, and I think it would've been better in past tense. Like, instead of "I swallow hard", I think it'd sound better if it was "I swallowed hard". I don't know, that's just my opinion.
All in all, good job. x]