The Black Cat Café - Comments

This time, I remembered to copy and paste my comment into a Word document before I hit 'submit,' just in case. Oi. And sorry I took so long to get back to you about the comment; it's been a long day. But, without further ado:

Story Review:

This story actually creeped me out a bit, as I started reading. My roommates and I are all Crazy Cat Ladies, and as such the number of cats we have in the house outnumber their owners - and two of them are jet-black cats, which sometimes happen to creep me out, given their tendency to slink around the house like ninjas. I already knew the feeling that

A silent sigh of relief was under my breath; with victory, I rested one elbow upon the sleek marble surface, it was quite hard to keep balance.

That was such a good little detail. Relatable, because it happens to all of us routinely, but not something that I think a lot of writers care to mention.

I turned around to see Noah adjusting his waistcoat, you should of seen that thing, the buttons on it, you could play dot-to-dot on it with ease.

I really liked this line, because of the characterization that occurred right there. The story is being told from the point of view of the main character, and in his narration he has a distinct voice. I don't know if that makes much sense to you, but it really stood out to me.

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You have decent spelling and grammar skills, your only real problem being that you sometimes don't capitalize the beginnings of sentences. ( his voice was filled with fatigue, or maybe that was just the usual greeting around here. One example. Also: but that’s just me talking nonsense. You just need to go through and re-read carefully, to catch and fix those.

Why d'ya think people call this place 'The Black Cat Café'?”

Punctuation should always be contained within quotation marks, when quoting within dialogue. The question mark should have come before the ending single ' instead of after. So it really should have been:

Why d'ya think people call this place 'The Black Cat Café?'”

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Overall, an enjoyable little slice of fiction, and a good start for a longer story. Good job!

I liked it mainly because it was so erratic. And it probably only worked because the character seems to suit that. I like how he seems to feel constantly awkward and self-conscious, when for all we know, all these people might NOT even be looking at him. Perhaps he is paranoid and this could explain why he's so fascinated with a cat that could just be a cat.

And then again it might not be. Again, an erratic plot already and should be interesting to see how it develops. Especially with the main character's paranoia. :)

Really interesting, and I actually have no idea what to expect. Literally anything could happen now.

Nice chapter, I like the sense of mystery and intrigue. A very cool concept as well.

However, it can use some brushing up. Here's a quote: "The longer that our eyes met the longer I could feel myself falling, falling from reality and existence, but that’s just me talking nonsense."
You should make this moment clearer, more defined, and elaborate a little more. How is meeting the gaze of the cat disrupt her existence?

Also, you switch from first person to second a few times, you want to avoid that as much as possible. "You" can be replaced with "a person," or "one." If you use "one" it would give readers a sense of disconnect, and "a person" is better suited for your tone.

You should provide more background on reasons for meeting the companion at THAT cafe out of any other place, and who the companion is (unless this is meant to be explained later).

I am going to add this to my alerts list, I am thoroughly intrigued. =] Update?