Boy Like Me. - Comments

I've really like Liam. He's a great character. His friends are very sly as well. Hopefully Ryan will see that. By the way, Ryan sounds super fine!! I can't wait for your next update. :) Gosh darn, I wish I could give you more constructive criticism, but you seem to be doing just fine without it, excellent even. I suppose a, you're awesome, should suffice :D :D

Ryan is a meanie pants, I feel sorry for Liam.
Update soon please. :D

Yayy, tis an update!
(:
More soon, (:

yay!
you have updated :D

I really like this. I wish I can give you some constructive critisism, but I suck at those. xP

Hola! I want to be the official second commenter on this delicious piece of literature. Well, story, thing. haha I love Liam, but I hate seeing him hurt... Happiness for the pretty boy please?

*begs with choco-chip cookies*

One more thing...
*squishes you!

THANKS FOR THE UPDATE :]

This is really good. Keep it up Hun!

Normally I don't read slash but this one seems to be diffferent or different compared to most. Your a really good writer, everything in the story seems to flow. And I'm subscribing, I'd like to see where this is going, so pretty please update soon!

I definitely enjoy this. Your writing style is very good, and every sentence flows really well. One thing I must say you have to watch out for is punctuation. There are multiple sentences where a comma use is important, where you did not place one. Remember, when you us a comma it is to break up a sentence so not everything runs together and gets all rubbishy and confusing. Just watch out for that.

Great job, I can't wait to see more. :]

Wow...that Ryan dude seems pretty intense now. Definetley makes me wonder 'what's his deal?!' as I'm sure Liam is. Ohh it so makes me want to read more. I'm very interested to see where Ryan's issue is headed. Great chapter :)

wowzers!
this is really great :)
i wish i had suggestions, or constructive criticism for you,
but i dont think im the best writer,
i prefer to stick with the reading lol :D
but yeah, this story is turning out spectacular so far!
i cant wait to find out whats gonna happen!

this is coming along SO well! i love it

/subscribes

keep writing :)

(L)

These character's are very cute. I love character development, it's great to see a certain character's personality bloom with the plot. Anyways, wonderful update. I hope your finger is better and you're okay aside from that. This story is great in regards to things that annoy me, like crazy descriptive speeches, you fit every peice of character development well into the plot. So much so, that's it's not obstrusive. Hopefully I'm making sense. Long reviews aren't too much of my thing, haha. :)

The second chapter was ...fun. I really like Ryan's attitude. xD :D

i really like both of your characters, they're believable people that you can imagine passing in their street.
you did their descriptions well too by avoiding the whole, "his eyes were a shimmering lake of green jewels, while his ebony hair curved around his pale face".
i really like the way that you worked the physical descriptions in with the story.
i like it.

Oh I like your Ryan character. He has pizzaz, even though he's all tough, I like his characterization. Very real, I suppose is what I'm trying to say. Nice update. Are these your, 'setting the scene' kind of chapters?? That's just the feel I'm getting. The plot is moving along at a great pace though. :)

Mmm I'm not as good as Yon at describing my views. However, I rarely read original slash so I like how your's is starting. It's very promising. I'm excited to read more :) *subscribing*

I like how you used descriptive words, really, you add dimension to the story by doing so, and that's something I see most writers on this site struggle with. It's awesome as a palate cleanser when I see something that's worded well and structured in a way that's intelligent after sifting through all the terrible stories on this site.

This was an interesting decision to focus on Liam's and Mary's conversation, a different approach to it. I didn't really like the lack of interaction between Liam and Matt though, so I'd recommend rewriting it to incorporate some scenes from their relationship.

Alright, I'm going to go ahead and give you a little bit of constructive criticism, so I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I'm always afraid to offer any in case I accidentally offend someone>.<

Now, maybe you could go beyond that, and get a little experimental. You definitely have the tools to be a good writer, and this story is nice, but try and take it up to another level by making new descriptions, giving your characters traits or quirks, maybe change it up a little. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that this story, although nice, kind of rung flat for me. I read it as a little emotionally dead, you could definitely elaborate on Liam's emotions. Maybe not overdose on angst, but you should incorporate a little angst. He seems way too apathetic and emotionally detached to me. Make me feel his pain about coming out to his family! Give flashbacks, whatever you have to do to use to get your readers inside this boy's head. Make me feel his pain about being in love with somebody who doesn't love him back. There's so many different storytelling methods to use that it makes my brain swirl, and it just feels that you sort of scratched at the surface.

Another thing that caught my attention was that you sort of use hackneyed phrases, which is something you generally want to avoid while writing. Things like 'raven-haired' or 'straight as an arrow' kind of detract from the quality of the story.

Overall though, I feel that you did a nice job. This is a good, promising start.