Hopes, Dreams and Sunshine - Comments

It's nearly midnight as I'm reading this and I'm too tired to leave a proper review, but I just wanted you to know that this was beautiful and well-written.

The first paragraph was so beautiful. The first line "Lilly sits upon the floor; her head is buried in a book" sounds exactly like the start of a poem. I love how, by just using the word "buried", you can imply that Lilly's unaware of her surroundings, and continue that idea of being unaware by saying that she doesn't know what's going to happen to her. She's lost in that book, and no threat to her future will change that. It's amazing that a simple sentence can suggest so much sheer innocence - at first I thought Lilly was only six years old, but when I read on to when you described her as being a guitar player, I realised that she was older, and in those few seconds it just seemed like she aged years. Also, the fact that she's wearing a dress (especially a yellow one, bright, the picture of young - I imagine it to be quite a pale yellow, somehow) and has matching shorts underneath made me think that she was young, because that's the kind of thing I used to do in primary school. In a way, you've made it impossible to place her age, making her seem both innocent and naive at the same time.

It saddens me that how over the years of her life you describe, Lilly gradually loses her innocence. You've changed her so completely in such a short space of time only by saying that Tommy will "sweep her off her feet with just one too many drinks", and it dawned on me that people have all these years in which to change, but if you put it down on paper like that, it sounds horrible. It's sad, too, that Tommy won't care for her, that he'll leave her for a younger woman once their life becomes stressed by the fact that their son is gay.

I really like the way how you described Lilly's son's life too, but still the focus was always on Lilly, that you never strayed from whom you were writing about. I like the message of the story - you just don't know what's going to happen in the future.

It's tragic, how they both die - their whole lives were just tragic. Horrid that those at the funeral don't care, just like Tommy. And I love the fact that you mentioned that people were checking their watches. Just a reminder that life still does go on, and people are impatient creatures, who won't be held back by consciences or consequences.

"And that’s everything, really." I love how simple you make life sound. That's it, over and done with.You've had your time to struggle, and then you die, which I guess is true, but you really do know how to make the truth sound harsh when you want to, which quite frankly, is an amazing ability to have, because you can manipulate how people see things after reading your work. And I also love how you link the end with the beginning. That really, that book may as well have been about Lilly's life.