Losing Yourself - Comments

hello. i love this story already, it's very detailed and definatly isn's short on action. so please do update more when you get the chance.

Okay
I am so sorry that I have not been updating
My beta ran away from me and I need chapter 3 from her
Just gimme a week more okay?
Please and thank you.

XoXo
Emmy

HI! Okay, I am going to try to give you the best review I can possible give, but I am not that great at reviewing as you are, but I shall try anyway. Okay, I will start off with I never read Harry Potter- I barely even watched the movies- and in fact, I don't really like the books for some reason, but I really enjoyed this story. Even though it took a little while for me to really get into it- because I have no idea who all the characters are or what the terms and slang are- by the second chapter I couldn't stop reading. I was so into it, I was drooling- true story.

Chapter One

I liked the opening with the letter- it summarized the plot and gave a clear, well verse, description of Draco's character even though he hasn't been seen yet. Also, it gave some kind clues as to what happened before the story started, without giving too much away- leaving me to wonder what is going to happen next in the story.

A woman stood towards the side, clutching at her heart, keening softly but no one paid her any attention. I liked the certain coldness towards the woman. I don't know much about Draco's family, but I could only imagine that the mother, or the women, aren't exactly considered "important" for lack of a better word- since no one exactly cared about her breakdown during the argument. Also, you didn't give her a name, "like the Mother or the female Malfoy' something like that, which probably just reinforces that idea.

The use of Light vs Dark vs Gray in this chapter was also amazingly done. it not only describes the reality of the situation- Good vs Evil with the Nutural area- but also is a metaphor for the battle going on within Draco. His good, vs his evil, vs his willingness not even to get involved. He is being torn in a million different directions and he is slowly loosing it- which is what we see in the next chapter.

To end, I love how you kind of made Harry Potter not exactly the "Do no wrong" wizard as he is often described as. He makes mistakes, stupid mistakes. He gets bored, he fucks up. And though he is probably like that in the books, I wouldn't know since I never read the books, so it was good to see him like that.

Chapter Two

I think the transition between past and present was done much more seamlessly than in the first chapter. The charisma between Draco and Snape was extremely well done. The dialogue back and forth- the interruptions, the story, etc- was done so flawlessly, I though I was actually watching these two have a conversation right infront of me. The description of the events, however, that's what got me. Though it was just Draco's retelling, he told it in such a way, I could actually see into his thoughts. Every single little detail, told with such imagery and such fear, that the images flash in my head, and I was actually grossed out.

I also like how, despite the briliant and almost narrative descriptions within the dialogue, you could still tell it was a scared boy telling this story. It was choppy, but in a good way. Like all his thoughts were attacking him at once and all he could do was just spit them out as fast as he possibly could.

I wish I could explain myself more but I am afraid I am just gonna ramble. Really, I enjoyed this story, the descriptions, the imagery. I like how in some of its simplicity, there was alot of detail and complex emotions. I did get slightly confused only cause I really don't know who the characters are, or what they look like, or terms for magic and stuff, but it didn't take away from the story.

wow, this is really, really great
your descriptions are excellent, I could just see Draco and feel what he was feeling and it was described in a very real way
I really love the way you make him seem sort of fragile, which is very different from the HP series, but in a good way
excellent job *subscribes*

I'm so sorry it took me so long to repay the comment. I was out of town, but anyways...

I love this story.
I love how you're portraying the fear that JKR gave Draco at the end of the series. He went so long as the bad guy, it's nice to see someone else that wanted to explore the softer side of him. You're making him repent his actions, and that makes him so human, so real. It's not cowardly like JKR kind of made it. I see it as a whole new character.

-subscribes-
Excellent.