When Worlds Collide - Comments

I honestly was afraid because this is a twilight fan fiction, but I gave it a shot, and aside from context use, I liked it. It was well paced and you surprised me. I'm glad that it wasn't cliche, as well. It actually followed a relatively original concept and honestly, this is the first twilight fan fiction i've ever enjoyed. well done!

EDIT: also a perfect use of david bowie. 10/10

Comment swap
I love the first chapter. It pulls the reader in and makes them wanting to continue to read. It leaves you with so many questions. Your spelling and grammar is really good, I didn't notice any mistakes. This is the first Twilight fanfic I've read and I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

i love ur story keep it up updated soon plz i want to know more

I really like how you mixed original characters with characters from Twilight! This story was really interesting to read because I liked to see how you mixed the two together. :-) I can't wait to read more!

Edit: Whoops, sorry, I just realized this posted twice!

I really like how you mixed original characters with characters from Twilight! This story was really interesting to read because I liked to see how you mixed the two together. :-) I can't wait to read more!

I like this story keep up hard work. Updated soon.

I like it so far. If u need any help let me know. Update soon

I think you do a great job with getting the reader immediately interested. Your first chapter leaves a lot of questions for the reader and it forces them to continue reading. I didn't really see any grammatical errors, so nice job on that. The concept is really interesting to me and like I said before, even if it wasn't interesting, the first chapter is so vague you really need to continue reading in order to feel satisfied. The only thing I would consider is being a little less liberal with your descriptions. I am in agreement with other commenters that you have a gift for imagery, but there was some points where I was getting a little lost in the metaphors. I would just switch it up from time to time in order to keep the reader from feeling bombarded by metaphors and similes. Overall, you have a really great start here! Good luck with your story! You've got wonderful descriptions throughout the story. I love your paragraph and chapter lengths. They're just about perfect. But, I would suggest proofreading a little. There are a few mistakes throughout the piece. Though the story is a little hard for me to follow (probably cause it's just not the genre I'm into), it's still sounds like it has great potential! Keep on writing! :)

I love this story. I hope that you continue it or at least come up with an ending of some sort so the readers have some form of resolution.

Hey I'm here because of Comment Swap I've never read a Twilight fanfiction. I think this is a really neat idea for a story, I really do hope you keep this up; I think it's a really good story so far! Well done! I’m going to recommend this story!

I'm here from comment swap! First things first, i really don't like twilight at all, but this is so different. This is very interesting and the characters are very well developed. I also really like the descriptions and the vivid fluidity of it all. keep writing!

Here from the comment swap - not a huge fan of the Twilight series but your synopsis intrigued me.

Different twist on the whole Twilight saga, nice swing of a crossover too! Looks like this is going to be a very intriguing story!

Comment Swap.
This is a very interesting story, your characters are well developed, it seems the plot is good all going in an interesting direction.
Never really been a big Twilight fan, but this story seems very well done.
Your writing style is simply and flows, perhaps a different layout might capture a readers attention.
All in all a good story :D

Comment swap brought me here, and I must say that I am pleasantly surprised when I started reading this.
Im really not a twilight fan, but the way that you write this story is so much better than the original series by Stephenie Meyer.
I love the small quirky traits that you throw in for Edward, they make him seem like more of a human than a vampire.
I also like that you have added in a Supernatural twist at the end of the last chapter. That should make it really fun.
I realy like where this story is heading, so keep it up. :)

XD He has a shoe fetish.

awesome, my names jasmine too :) except i hate jazz, i use jas. x