Ah, poor kid. Greg's more than a jerk. Kinda agree with the comment above about conveying the voice of a child. Good job on that.
April 5th, 2010 at 06:43pm
Story Review Game
Wow. This was...powerful, I think. It's really interesting that you've taken such a subject and told the story through the eyes of the child. You really conveyed their innocence well.
I liked the frequent repetition of 'relax', and how you referred to it as that until the end when the judge told him it had been rape.
'"It hurts. Real bad. Like when you don't stretch before a soccer game and then you score a goal and you get a cramp. It's like 5 times a s bad as the cramp."'
I love this. You really did well at making the child seem...like a child I guess. How he doesn't understand what's been done to him is wrong and explains the pain in such a way. It's just amazing.
"The swings are my favorite color"
Aww. This made my heart melt, they're such a child still and thinks they'll get into trouble, it's saddening.
"Jerk."
I liked the ending a lot, again it shows how young and innocent the kid is and it just works really well.
I really, really liked this story. It was really well written and I liked the way you got the point across without it being overly vulgar or cringeworthy. Good job in my opinion.
