Betrayal - Comments

This is so good ! It makes me really curious as to what will happen next.
The chapter is kind of rough with the grammar, but if you fix that up and put a nice, simple layout it will look great (:
Keep up the good work !

Really interesting, I really enjoyed it. There were quite a few grammar mistakes, though, but those are so easily fixed.

For example:

“I thought… I was just… I mean …”She stuttered.

“No, you didn’t think, that’s just it .Did you even consider what this would do to me?

That should look like this:

"I thought... I was just... I mean..." she stuttered. (The sentence does not end after 'I mean...', it ends after 'stuttered', so the 'she' doesn't need to be capitalized, because it's not the beginning of a new sentence.)

"No, you didn't think. That's just it. Did you even consider what this would do to me?" (Makes sure to put "" at the beginning and end of the dialouge.)

Other than that, great story! Keep up the good work. :)

Love it, it's totally awesome!

I love it!!!! I listen to the song you put on here and the song is RONNIE!!! From escape the fate... Update!!!! Oh and i think its cool that the school had 3 floors.. Mine had 4 for each grade level...