Whispering Time Away - Comments

Whoaaaa! Gabrunesa is going to try to change what happened in the past? O: Update soon!

Oooh, she found a strange contraption. And now she's whispered a date to it? Update soon, please!

Thanks for the constructive criticism. Although, my point of me writing it, was being drawn out(like you mentioned that she woke up, ate breakfast, and got to school in three chapters. The first six chapters are basicially emphasing that she had a normal life but a strange name. Then after that it gets interesting.

I never did like stories about a sufferign teenager, and it's no surprise that I didn't like this one. Instead of leaving the story without commenting I figured I'd leave some constructive critizism. My first impression on this story was that it was going to be different. The way you emphasized her name intrigued me. I was quickly dissapointed when I heard about how she'd like a lapdog for her aunt. It's something I've heard time and time again. Nothing special, really.

But if you insist on using a unoriginal and often boring idea you've got to shine through in how you decide to write it. How you manipulate that idea is what's going to set you apart. Something I found lacking was the laziness of the story. She woke up, made breakfast and got to school in three chapters! If you're not hinting on something by the third then how will people stay interested?

I hope you don't take this the wrong way. You can keep in mind that I didn't read up to seven, where I saw in the ch. description that something interesting was happening.

i think this is going to be good.
although i've only read the first part, haha.
update soon !

I like ur story very good!!!
Please update!! =)

This is very interesting so far. I'm looking forward to another update. :)

Thanks for commenting.

I agree, it did switch between first and third person, but honestly, I was so wrapped up that I barely noticed. Good plot, and a nice, smooth start. I'm looking forward to the 20+ chapters. *wink, wink* And I subscribed. FYI.

Thanks for the constructive criticism.

I like your story a lot. It hasn't quite developed, yet, but its a good start and I can tell its going to be interesting.
It's extremely well-written for the most part, but there are two things you need to watch out for.
First of all, being repetitive. In the first two chapters, you really repeat sentences a lot, or make a lot of similar statements. You didn't do it a lot in the third, if at all, but something else you did in all three is a consistent use of the main character's name. There are times when it's more appropriate to use "she" or "her."
Which leads me to the second thing. You switch from first to third person. You need to choose one, go back and edit, and keep it consistent. You'll end up confusing the reader.

Otherwise, I think this is going to be great. You have a lot of talent. :]