I love it! Very well written as well! More please ;)
March 30th, 2012 at 06:58am
I've never heard the song, but the title really interests me. It's myserious, it's eye catching, it's straight to the point.
letting the smoke enfold her lungs before sighing out a mix of toxic chemicals.
Woah. I absolutely loved that line, especially the bit about sighing and the way you described the smoke as what is inside it, rather than what it is. Certainly my favourite line in the piece.
You have a way with describing without using every word in the dictionary but you can still paint a vivid picture in the readers mind. I could feel the emotion of the characters, it was if I was Adeline or Joshua. The dialouge was excellent, really well done - it's hard to get it right but I think you suceeded.
A lovely piece overall, from an excellent writer.