Until Death Do Us Part - Comments

Prologue
bambi-eyes and a pair of bright red lips that invited to kiss. - bright lips with an open invitation to kiss might sound better in that sentence, because at the moment it just kinda feels like it just ends.

My starlight, replacing the star I just left behind, faded out and buried in the ground. - after reading the summary, I think the line is really neat. :) It just captures the story you're telling, and it's just lovely. :)

Chapter One
and all she did was biting her tongue. - and all she could do was bite her tongue - keep with the tense.

Plus, it must be hard for her replacing - it must have been hard...

was so beautiful’ I told myself. - chuck in a comma there

Let’s say I’m anything but poor. - I was anything but poor

“To us” she said while smiling - chuck in a comma after 'us'

do us part” I whispered - comma after 'part'

Epilogue
A sigh of relieve escaped - relief

You didn’t even got close, - get

I think it was neat how you did this in three chapters - I thought that was good because you only wrote what you needed rather than elaborating a story over loads of chapters. I keep thinking that maybe you could extend it over a few more chapters - but I also feel that what you've written suits the purpose of the story. :)

I think the last chapter was really good, and that while he died - from her vices - he got the last say in the game, so that was pretty neat - and the fact that he didn't completely forget about his wife. :) I think it was quite neat. :)

Aw, that's such a sad story and I hearts it. You stuck with the song and I have to say, Time is Running Out is one of my favorite songs. Yay! Sorry for the cruddy comment, I'm supposed to be packing and I'm not

I really really really liked it!I enjoyed the lastpart...just figured sh3 poisoned his drink:P

thank you!
but it's just a short story, it's for a writing contest :)
so this is it, I'm sorry.

i really like it already. cant wait for more. ^_^