Oh wow.... you nearly brought me to tears at the end of that!
Your writing was really beautiful, and the last few paragraphs were really amazing. I couldn't find one mistake in there, which is really incredible.
You were my rainbow, rapidly spreading color to my otherwise dull life. I never had to worry about anything, not with you by my side. Those sentences were great. It showed what an influence he had on her life, as well as setting the scene for what happened before he died.
"Lizzie, I love you, sugar. I loved you before I was born, before I knew you, before I met you, and I'll love you when I die and after. I don't think I ever woulda been this happy if I'd never found you. Thank you for completing my life." God, that sentence really made the tears come. It was... simply beautiful. I know if someone ever said that to me, I'd be bawling my eyes out. It is the sweetest, most romantic thing to say, and it's amazing that you came up with that. It goes completely with the persona you set up for him, which is wonderful. Well done.
Then the day came. On the morning of February 26th, a Saturday morning, I woke up... but you didn't.
It rained all day. I love how you tied the rain in. It gives the story something extra, and it really added to the intensity. The sentence was short and powerful, and it really did the job.
The only thing that keeps me going each day is knowing how much you loved me, that you swore to still love me after you were gone, and that we will be together again one day. That keeps me going strong. There you go again, making me cry! That tied in perfectly with what he said, and it's just amazing. You really made it emotional and made me feel as though I could connect with the person writing the letter, which is really hard to do, so well done.
And tonight... Tonight the sky cries for you and me. Great ending. I'm always the most picky about the endings of stories, so you did a brilliant job. Thank you.
You're a beautiful writer, and thank you for submitting that! I'll let you know how you go!
Your writing was really beautiful, and the last few paragraphs were really amazing. I couldn't find one mistake in there, which is really incredible.
You were my rainbow, rapidly spreading color to my otherwise dull life. I never had to worry about anything, not with you by my side. Those sentences were great. It showed what an influence he had on her life, as well as setting the scene for what happened before he died.
"Lizzie, I love you, sugar. I loved you before I was born, before I knew you, before I met you, and I'll love you when I die and after. I don't think I ever woulda been this happy if I'd never found you. Thank you for completing my life." God, that sentence really made the tears come. It was... simply beautiful. I know if someone ever said that to me, I'd be bawling my eyes out. It is the sweetest, most romantic thing to say, and it's amazing that you came up with that. It goes completely with the persona you set up for him, which is wonderful. Well done.
Then the day came. On the morning of February 26th, a Saturday morning, I woke up... but you didn't.
It rained all day. I love how you tied the rain in. It gives the story something extra, and it really added to the intensity. The sentence was short and powerful, and it really did the job.
The only thing that keeps me going each day is knowing how much you loved me, that you swore to still love me after you were gone, and that we will be together again one day. That keeps me going strong. There you go again, making me cry! That tied in perfectly with what he said, and it's just amazing. You really made it emotional and made me feel as though I could connect with the person writing the letter, which is really hard to do, so well done.
And tonight... Tonight the sky cries for you and me. Great ending. I'm always the most picky about the endings of stories, so you did a brilliant job. Thank you.
You're a beautiful writer, and thank you for submitting that! I'll let you know how you go!