Wherever I May Roam - Comments

I did like how you did the accents the way they usually are in thecomments COMICS, but sometimes it was a bit distracting.

I just wanted to clear that up.

You asked me to read your one-shot, so I thought I'd review it because I'm bored XD

First off. I liked that you used present tense. I was refreshing after reading a lot of past tense stories on Mibba :]

I also loved the description. It was very... specific? I can't think of the word now. Gah, I hate when that happens. But, I thought it was effective, and it didn't get tiresome after a while, which usually happens with that type of description I usually read. I did like how you did the accents the way they usually are in the comments, but sometimes it was a bit distracting.

He follows the other man with his eyes, admiring the ripple of his muscles as he jumps and spins, kicks and lunges. He stares as that lovely red hair whips around, swishing from side to side as ‘Star decimates the holograms attacking him. One thing Rictor knows, although he’s not entirely comfortable thinking it, is that this alien is beautiful. So much so, that if he was a normal guy, and not a battle hardened warrior, he’d probably be a male model.

This is a really good example of the descriptive writing and style that you are using. It paints a perfect picture of the whole scene, but it also allows a lot of emotion to pour through the words, I am really impressed.

Another thing I'd really like to point out is the spanish. To me, I really loved it. I can speak a lot of spanish so I just read over it and it didn't break with the flow at all. I thought it was well placed, and not kinda scattered... I don't know what I'm trying to get at, but I'll use an example. I was reading a story where the main characters are Italian and the would have whole conversations in Italian and the author would translate them in the authors note like you did. Since I don't speak Italian, I had to keep scrolling up and down just to understand. I think you chose the right places to change languages so as not to confuse readers who don't speak Spanish.

They rest their foreheads together, each gazing into the other’s eyes, Rictor noting once again how beautiful this man is.
I literally went, "Awwwww!" when I read this. They are so cute together!

Overall, I thought it was really good. I saw no spelling mistakes and your Grammar was very good. I really liked it, good job!

And please ignore any mistakes in the comment. I don't want to read over it right now XD