Rhythm of Life - Comments

I liked this a lot.
I think you should continue it :)
But it's still good as a stand alone.

Very well written.
I think you could even continue it because it does leave the reader curious as to what exactly happened. However you could have been going for that. Either way, very nice. :)

I love this. It makes me so curious as to what happened to the guy.
But it's really good! (:

I can't really say much, others have already said it all.

I agree that it was a little vague, but I like that. I like to have a story leave me with unanswered questions. It makes it more interesting and more memorable, in my opinion.
It does flow very nicely, your sentence structure and word use is really good.

Overall, I think it's really good, especially considering it was your first (:

So..... here's my uber critical comment.

I wish I could write this well in English class. : /

I second the first three comments though. It was pretty vague, as in a few details could've been added in here and there but altogether, it had a very nice flow to it.

I like this story.
It was really good, but I think that it should have a second part with her and her brother reflecting on what happened.
Because we, as readers, don't really know what happened.

Other than that though, nice and even flow, good read.
=)

I liked this. Was pretty chilling.
Great job!

:}

I have a question: Is the ending is supposed to live it up to the reader's mind to what happened to Riley's brother?

It's a nice story with good descriptions.

Hmm, sort of bone chilling.I like it. And I liked the last sentence.

For your first one-shot, it's pretty good. I think it is vague, though, as others have said, and you could have explained it more.

But overall, it's very good. (:

This is very good for your first one-shot.(:

This is really good. It's a little vague, but has the potential to be something big. Your descriptions are vivid and it flows.

Really, really good. (:

I really like this, but then again I am kinda confused lol what happened to him? Why was she in counseling?

I liked this. As others said, it was very vague and I felt it could be a prologue or the first chapter to something much bigger. The description of him is what hooked me. I'm left wondering what happened to him and that would be an amazing end to a first chapter. Great job really.

I liked it. It was pretty vauge, though. Is she in therapy because of her brother being in the hospital? Did the accident traumatize her? You might want to clear that up.

It was really well written, and a very easy read. Not too short, not too long. You did a great job.

I saw a grammar error that I see in a lot of stories. When writing dialouge, the sentence doesn't end when the spoken words do. So,

"Come over here." She said.

becomes,

"Come over here," she said.

The period turns to a comma, and the 'she' isn't capitalized.

But besides that, this was a really good one-shot, and I really enjoyed reading it!

I think that, for a one-shot, it sort of makes it more interesting if you leave a few things out, like how he got into the hospital in the first place. I liked it. It was great. :)

The story could do well with some continuation because the general idea of the story wasn't very well explained. You kind of let the plot hanging after Riley's brother woke up, so no one will know what happened to him in the first place. Other than that, it was well written apart from some grammatical errors and places that could have used some more realistic description. Good job overall. A little editing would do it some good.