Someday - Comments

another really sweet story, I love it

This was really good. I'm such a Kingdom Hearts fan haha, I read your Axel and Roxas story too. I like how you set both stories up

I love KH I have three of the games. Anyways cute fanfiction. I kind of expected it to be yaoi, but I loved it. It so reminded me of the first kingdom hearts game. When are you going to post the second chapter?

*squeals*It's Riku!!! I freaking love him. This was really cute.My friend and I always talk about how Sora and Riku are perfect for each other :3

Very good. I love Kingdom hearts. I'm guessing that it's not a one-shot so, I'm going to suscribe. :) Fantastic job.

Nagi liked the story, though she knows not of Kingdom Hearts, so you lucked out on getting chewed out for any OOCness =D Just kidding. (cough) But yeah. Story flowed nicely, no errors that I saw, and the characters were not obnoxious. So kudos <3

I really liked it.You ended it nicely, which I personally find hard to do.
You had their personalities put perfectly into the situation, and the story flowed well.
A bit more describing in the sorta intamite parts would've been good.
And I want more. I hope you'll write another KH fan-fic :)

I don't usually read fanfic, but I kind of...really wanted to comment something of yours.

So, since I like KH, I thought I'd check this out.

I love their sweet, light-hearted relationship with each other. It's accurate.

And repetition builds meaning. You seem to know that, with mentioning the sunset so much. Beautifully done, not only etching in symbolism, but meaning along with it.

The whole...curiosity of this story is what really gets to me. It really makes me wonder, like they are, what's out there. I love how I can relate in that sense.

“Together we can do anything,” Sora mumbled to the empty room. He looked over at his desk, smiling when he saw two small trinkets. A rainbow color flower, from Kairi, and a crown necklace, from Riku. Those were his good luck charms; he kept them close to him. If he did, he’d always have his friends there. He knew with his friends by his side, they could all leave Destiny Islands together. I think this, the last paragraph, has a very strong message. Together, we can do anything. That's the moral. That's the idea. You've got it, my friend.

I love this, and am looking forward to more KH fics whenever/if you ever you write one again.

Well done, overall.

Doctor

well, im not usually a fanfiction person, and i dont know squat about kingdom hearts. i think there could be some reworking BUT
i did like this piece a lot.
it was cute, and very coherent. it flowed well.
great job :)

Story Review Game
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Summary:
I like the simple background. Although, for some reason it gives me the feeling of night time.

The summary is short and to the point. Nicely done.

The story:

“Of course I have… But how are we going to do it?”
I think it would look better if you too out the tree dots, and put in a comma. It would still convey the same message since the comma would provide the necessary pause.

"We’ll figure something out, I assure you,”
It seems to me that it would sound better if you put the " I asure you" at the beggining of this sentence.

"Sora was always that kind of person, he knew what he wanted but he feared the consequences."

Perhaps you could rewrite it as "Sora was always that type of person; he knew what he wanted, but feared the consequences."

"It was getting to be dark, but the two friends normally didn’t go in until after dark. With a small place like Destiny Islands, their parents trusted them to be out after dark."

You used "dark" a bit too much. Try substituting it for night time, or something else.

"Sora crossed his arms over his chest; Riku was sitting on the oddly shaped tree branch while Sora was standing near it."
The semicolon should be replaced with a period.

"He didn’t have one on how to get away from Destiny Islands, and he didn’t have one to get Kairi to come with"

You should say "come with them" not just "come with."

"“I don’t want to go home, just let me come over to your house?"

That didn't really sound like a question to me; more like a statement.

"Sora normally wouldn’t have to ask his parents if Riku could come over, they loved Riku so they always let him."

This is very choppy. You might want to rewrite it.

""Tomorrow we’ll talk to Kairi, we’ll get her to come with us. Then we’ll expand on the idea of rafts, we can think of something great… If the three of us stick together always.”"

This one is choppy as well.

"“Clever, Sora,” Riku commented, his fingers ghosting over Sora’s cheek"

I don't think "ghosting" fits this sentence. Perhaps you could elaborate by saying how he could feel th ewarmth of his cheek linger on his finger. Just something more descriptive.

The story was cute. The only thing that bothered me is that Sora was too feminine. So much so that I got the feeling that this was a story about a boy and a girl, not a boy and a boy.

Aw, it was beyond cute. I played Kingdom Hearts I and II, I think this does SoraxRiku justice. Especially for a first time. C:

This is really good. I liked it. :D
I usually don't read stuff like anime fanfiction, but this is good.