Ringing in the Sane - Comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOOVEEELLYYY!! THIS FIC WAS THE EPITOME OF AWESOME! I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU FOR WRITING IT!! HAPPY BDAY MY SPECIAL SEXY OLD MAN!!

the tension had been unbelievable.
Sexual tension right?!?! ~~

Jared turned off the engine
Engines in this operation *sings*

I gulped. Grenades?
Yes my dear. :file: You see, Alison is currently massively obsessive over Green Day, and grenades probably remind her of the good ol’ days of American Idiot.:coffee:

You are also an idiot. But a gorgeously adorable idiot. *Pinches Pete’s cheeks*

“You each have one spare clip of ammo,” he said as he handed them to us. “Don’t waste it, because that’s all we have.”

Shizen! How many bullets does the Pix think it takes to take down Desmond?! There’s like 8-12 bullets per clip usually I think maybe…. :think:

“I’m the leader, I go in first.” Pixie looked around at us.
I can so picture him stamping his feet right now. Naw he’s so adorable…. Hmm does this mean Pixie or Szabs top??:think:

“Okay, now, as soon as you see Desmond, kill him. Don’t hesitate, just kill him.” Well my dears, at least make sure it’s Desmond and not Leado. The angels themselves would come down and smite you if you killed someone with such a gorgeous name….

Leaton Rose I love this parents. If I have a boy…. I’m going to name him Leaton. And then I’ll have a girl…. And name her Rose! ….Wait….I need a Lilly in there somewhere….

Wow. OT much?

“Don’t. Now let’s go.” Pixie started off toward the front door.
God Luke, don’t you realise that putting the idea of you getting held hostage in Pixie’s head is a no no?? You’ll make him cry damnation!!

….

Damnation doesn’t come up as a typo on word…. Is it a word?!

Two Leatons?
I think the logical explanation here, is that a Leaton from a parallel universe stepped through a portal and just arrived on the scene in order to aid your search. Yep.:coffee:

“Hello, boys.”
That just reminds me of The Simpsons. “Helloooo Joe!!”

“I could possibly stop now, dear Leaton.” Desmond grinned, revealing eerily white, gleaming teeth. “I’m too far gone by now.”

One: Is that meant to be ‘couldn’t’?
Two: Are you SURE you weren’t using down and out lyrics here?!
"Down down, down and out and, can’t stop, too far gone now.”

“Ooh, who’s this, Jared? Goodness me, you’ve got another boy already?”
Yes, yes he does. Now leave them alone and let them have sex in my mind as Alison does not possess the ability to write smut.:file:

Leaton’s knife found its target of Desmond’s body.
I can’t picture the pretty boy killing anyone…. He’s too…. Pretty??:think:

I couldn’t tell whose chest it was – mine,
Honey, I reiterate my Idiot statement. If you saw your own chest being stabbed, you would have had to have had your head down and I do believe you would have felt it. Get your eyes tested boy!!

….Pete in glasses….

People were saying my name, Jared’s name, Leaton’s name. I blacked out; my body couldn’t handle this anymore.
Reminds me of Rocky Horror when they’re all saying each others names….

get way safely. Get away? (Sorry, I can’t help but spell check.)

Strangely, I don’t feel distraught with the fact.
As I have stated before….GHOST!JARED AND PETE SEX!!~~

To be honest, I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life, and it seems neither do the others.

But somehow I think we’ll work it out.

Two words: Group. Orgy.

Joking

THAT WAS SO SWEET AND SAD AND OMG.

o.o

I FEEL LOST NOW! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!:twitch: :twitch:

And YAY Lizzie gets a ded!!
Spiffy you say?! *polishes knuckles*:file:

You are quite the sexy author Alison, and this story is just DEVINE!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

OK, a review. :cute: Here it goes...

First of all, I love your characters. They seem very real and their emotions could be easily seen especially through their actions. We could already get a full view of what Pete really is because of the point of view but you didn't forget the other characters. Some authors only focus on the primary protagonist and forget the other characters but here, we could see how Jared acts in certain situations, how Luke treat and react to the events, how Leaton reacts to the new Jared in fron of him, how Pixie shows his leadership. Everything's balanced in your characters so good job. :cute:

And I love Jared's sadism. :tehe: He's scaring me, actually. :XD Very real. :tehe:
I also like how Pete seems to notice the little things Jared does to him like calling him by his name... it shows how Pete really likes Jared. Like in real life, you notice the very small, insignificant things your crush/bf/gf does to you. :tehe: I've said it many times but I'll say it again; very realistic. I love how you made your characters like real persons. :cute:

OK so here's what uhm... maybe not a good twist for me. Pixie being together with Luke. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against sexual preferences but they're a group with big guns and all and their sexual orientation is contradicting with what they do. Jared, I understand (it's cute, actually. :XD) but their leader and Luke? I think it's over-the-top. But that's just my opinion.

~*~

The descriptions. I think it's lacking in the first few chapters, like in the house blowing up. I think the mental dialogs are too many (but I ain't saying I don't like it. :XD) and you've kind of left out the needed descriptions for the suspense, thrill, etc. But I think you're so good with dialogs, they already filled up what's missing with the details. ~~ So good.

The dialogues are terrific. Especially Luke's? Amazing to the core. :XD

~*~

OK for the chapter Down and Out
Ah... details.
The van pulled into the driveway of the abandoned house, the stones making crunching noises as they made contact with the tyres.
Good. Enough details. You could have just said The van pulled into the driveway of the abandoned house. but you added some details, giving us the idea of what the house looked like.
But here; No-one had said one word whilst we were driving here, the tension had been unbelievable.
You could have added some more details and didn't just drop an adjective unbelievable. You could have typed No-one had said one word whilst we were driving here, the heavy, unrhythmed breathing of Luke could be heard through the silence and Jared's face showed no emotion but fear he is trying to hide as he stares at the old house standing firmly in front of him. The tension had been unbelievable. or something like that.

Here, Pixie's leadership could be easily seen through Pete's eyes and thoughts. Good. How Pixie states things and how he decides for the team, t'was all caught in Pete's head. Very good.

I did a survey of the room. There was Pixie and Luke standing by the couch, seeing if Desmond was near the lounge, Leaton a few metres to my left, and Jared and Leaton over by the wall opposite.

Everything was fine.

Wait.

Two Leatons?

My favorite part. :tehe: I didn't really see that coming! Now it's a proven fact Desmond really does look like Leaton. :coffee:
No seriously, that was really good. I don't even know how to explain why. :grr: It's just that... Pete's thinking is so... normal. In other fics, it'l be exxagerated or will even skip the part that Pete have seen two Leatons; he will immediately see Desmond but not here in this story. :cute:

“He’s there!” I screamed and pointed to where Jared was.
Shows how Pete is a natural klutz and how he panics way too much. :tehe:

Jared looked terrified.
I was expecting him to bite Desmond's hand or kick him or whatever, you know? With what we've seen before in the previous chapters... sadistic Jared but I realized that, well Jared should be scared. With what happened before? But it's still unusual for me to see Jared terrified but I think him being not terrified is simply not normal. :coffee:

The last paragraphs, they're really good. because I could imagine clearly in my head what's going on! Amazing! Not a single detail I didn't imagine.

And the cliffhanger's cruel. :grr:
:tehe:

~*~

You know all in all, I really, really, really, really admire your characters. I think it's your forte. ~~ The characters are very real, they act normal, they think normal, just like a person in real life. I'm not saying they're predictable, actually they're not! And how they... say things (especially Luke. Actually he's my favorite. :XD), are very interesting. ~~

I love the story, really.
And oh, I'm sorry if the words in this review are being redundant or how I say things couple of times... :XD My vocabulary is limited. :tehe:

Anyway, keep up the good work! You're ceratinly one good writer. And you can still improve, I know it. ;)

Oh my God I seriously love this. No grammar errors, no typos, I love the plot, enough humor (Luke's really funny. :lmfao I'm up! I'm up! For the love of God don't stab me! :lmfao )
And some revelations made me go whoosh on my chair. :XD (Like when Jared's ex is kidnapped and t'was Desmond and not Leado, etc. Nice work, really. :D

I'm really not good in making reviews but I tell you, it's really, really good. I really wish you'll update. I'll subscribe.

LIZZIE'S LOWDOWN ON RINGING IN THE SANE

It was because of him. I didn't marry her because I loved her; I married her because I was in love with her brother. That much I knew. And now the first thing we know as readers isssss *drum roll* Pete is a douche.

Maybe I'm subconsciously masochistic. I was currently washing dinner plates ANYONE who willingly washes dinner plates is a masochist.

"Of course I fucking am! Why else would I be here?" Well one could always hope that it was to screw his brains out instead of blow his wifes brains across the wall....

"I know it's bitter," he continued, twisting the blade around. "I know it hurts." The man began to scream. "That's right..." Jared muttered. "Scream for your safety." You have NO idea how much that line creeps me out every time I read it. Though, as I am quite deranged, it also makes Jared one hell of a sexy mofo.

He looked back at me and scoffed. “Idiot.” I picture him running into a lampost when I read this....:file:

a man about the same height as me, but with way cooler hair. A little bit of your crush on Zarbie-J showing through there maybe??

The man sighed, replying with: “Captured.” THE MAN THAT CAPTURED LUKE'S HEART HAS BEEN CAPTURED BY A PSYCHOPATH?! OH NOES!!

“Don’t worry,” he said, almost kindly. I shall give you a blow job to calm your nerves....*lizzie drifts off....*

the coffee was way too strong. Pfft coffee too strong?! NEVER!!

“What? In what?” A vat of marmalade Pete. Are you in a vat of marmalade?

there’s hope for us.” Out of all the lines of this song in this chapter, I get it in my head after that one. *Eyes the cd laying next to me.* It's creepy that it's conveiniently there....

Plus now, I could be with Jared longer, even though he was an immense risk to my health and safety. AHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough*

“Hang up the receiver while you still can.” I love how perfectly you've put the song lyrics into this fic. Seriously, it gives it the most creepy, mysterious feel. o.o

“Oh,” I replied stupidly. “It just says ten… No wait, nine…Ah.” Now I get it. Sad moment for you Pete dearest. I think you're missing a few too many brain cells.

'put my fucking head down'. When I didn't obey, he covered my body with his protectively. NAWWWWW THEY ARE SO CUTE!! LIKE REALLY REALLY CUTE!!!!

It was better than running my guts out down a street I didn’t know the location of. YOU ENDED THAT SENTENCE IN A PREPOSITION YOU BASTARD!! *cough* Stargate SG-1 joke....man I'm lame.

“You’re also driving, idiot.” Jared put his hand on the wheel while Luke scrambled to get back into his driving position. I can so totally see him doing that. Remember when he was all sleepy and tired at Destroy?! NAWWWWW

Now he’s gonna think I’m gay for him!

Oh, wait. I am. AHAHAHAHA Naw Pete you are so adowable :pat:

Can’t he show his emotions clearly for once! I can so see him doing that with his hand on his hip screeching like a banshee.

“Come on, we can go hide out in that place,” he said pointing to a two storey house nearby. COUGH CONVEINIENT COUGH

Leaton Rose is a REALLY pretty name.... and it looks funny in reverse capitals :B
lEATON rOSE....

“Why’re you in the garden?” Because I thought we could do something kinky with the nomes. Geez. Thought it was obvious.

then my Leado will be back... please wake up... omgno: POOR JARED OMG *HUGZLES* Makes me sad and my heart break a little.

He watched as the flames grew higher and higher, threatening to engulf him. mmmm sexy pyromaniac.

'Special thanks go to Lizzie, cause without her this chapter would have most likely not have been written. ' I GOT A DEDICATION TOO OMG THAT IS SO KOOL *yes, I am aware that I would have seen this before, but I forgot* YAY AMNESIA HAPPY TIMES!!!!

As we got inside, I saw that it looked like no one had been living there for a long time; everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. No....It's probably just my house. I can envisage it being like that. Too poor to hire a cleaner, too lazy to do it myself.

"He's our er... boss I s'pose," he replied, choosing his words carefully. HE'S LUKES LOOOVVVEEEERRRRRRRR PIXBO!!

Night does strange things to people, it must be something about the way you didn't need to look right at people, you could just talk to the darkness, let it all spill out. You have no idea how in love I am with that sentence. It's magical *stares at it*

He gave me a small smile, I almost died of shock right then. Please don't. You need to have sex with Jared later :file: Oh wait....Alison doesn't write sex....Please don't. I need to imagine you having sex with Jared later.

Yeah.... That's right.

"Leado?" Pixie asked in a confused tone. AHAHAHAHAHA DESMOND!!!!

That really is the koolest bad-dude name ever :file:

I was excited, I've always wanted to be a hero. GIVE HIM A CAPE!! A SPARKLY PURPLE CAPE!!!!

Maybe he looks like a pixie, that's why they call him that. He kinda does. His voice sounds like a pixie....*contemplates* Shizen I miss those guys. *Sigh*

Jared turned on the indicator to turn into the parking lot. I find it somewhat hilarious that the dude has shot someone in the head, stabbed a police officer, robbed a bank, stabbed Luke and broken into a house, yet he is still considerate enough to use the indicator....

Yeah, you. nawwww *hugs him*

"I'm up, I'm up! For the love of God don't stab me!" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*COUGHSPLUTTERGAG*AHAHAHAHAHAHA I can actually see him doing this.

"Pixie!" Luke exclaimed.

"Shut up!" Jared hissed. He knelt, taking the gag off of Pixie. GEEZ JARED!! LUKE JUST WALKED INTO HIS FANTASY, PIXIE STRAPPED AND GAGGED TO A CHAIR AND YOU WRECK IT FOR HIM?! YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD!!

so shut your bloody face,” How exactly does one shut ones face? *scrunches face up*

Just ‘cause I’ve been locked up here for a month doesn’t mean I’m not the boss anymore.” He's so pouty and cute! (btw you're missing the " from the start of this dialogue.)

“Three weeks and five days, actually,” Luke said. The poor boy must have been going insane :( He needs a hug. Or sex from Pixie. Possibly both. :D

What an unbelievable plot line, I thought to myself blankly. Yeah I know hey. :file: Some chick called Alison came up with it. She's sexy though, so I think we can forgive her.

“Tell ‘em, Pix!” At this point I feel Pixie should have broken out the tutu and tiara and started cheerleading the plot line.

I trotted out after him. “Jared, where are you going?” *giggles* he is so fucking adorable. I love him so much!!

“Bet it all,” Desmond whispered so quietly I could barely hear him. “On a bolt coming out of the blue.” My mind envisages a blue semi trailor coming out of nowhere and crashing into the side of the car. It is also snowing....

“Be reckless,” Desmond said, mimicking Pixie’s voice.

Jared froze. “What?” he asked sharply.

“Over to you.” O.O creeeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyyyyy :B

Jared and I had gone into Safeway It's Woolworths in Adelaide. It made me laugh.

“They sell pyjamas.” He smirked SONIC PJ'S!!!!

Then he kissed me, electricity running through my entire body. Mine too baby
I wish I had been in that trolley to perve on them....

Tim Tams! I grabbed three AGH ODD NUMBERS!! *spluttersdies*

I screamed and jumped into the air - losing my Tim Tams - *sniggers*
This reminds me of Spongebob for some reason....

"Get back up to Pixie's room," Jared shot at him.

Luke stopped rattling. *snorts* Getting the chocolate sauce and whipped cream are we dear??

"Yes there was." I swallowed. You. You're the reason. NAWWW *HUGZLESSQUISHES*

"Because I know where you live." He hung up. I know where Alison lives....

Luke and Pixie were lying on the very back seats, Luke holding one of Pixie's hands lightly.

I think I have officially decided that I don't want Leado and Jared getting together. Pete and Jared are just SO FUCKING GORGEOUS!!!!

“D-Dan! Um, hi!” He turned a strong shade of red. DAN!! DANDANDANDAN!!!! OVER HERE!! *WAVES* HI!! OMG!! I LOVE YOU WHEN YOU'RE NOT BEING A JACKASS OR WHEN YOU'RE SCREWING BRENTON!!!! I would incorporate this into my story but then Dan would have to be under one of the tables hiding from Luke :file:

“Who’s that?” Pixie whispered heatedly.

“How are you?” the man named Dan asked.

“Do you know who he is?” Nawwww he's so jealous :B:B He reminds me of a puppy.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!
It is so damn detailed and sexy and mysterious and filled with the most ADORABLE couples EVER!!!!
You are an amazing writer my dear and my life would be much less entertaining without and you your sexy sexy talents in it. You are my motivation, ego booster and one of the sole reasons I post things on Mibba. I LOVE YOU!!!!

*GRRRRR* JARED IS SO CONFUZZLING!!
Lulz, I almost forgot about Desmond hahahaha. I'm like. Call? Who the fuck is calling??
Oooo jealous Pixie. (Dan's got black hair now *cough*)

They should have hot jealous sex, pixbo that is. Dan's busy with Brenton in my story *nods* or will be. have to incorporate that would be blow job at Fowlers *nods*

I think Jared needs a toothbrush. No tongue action can happen until he does. Puke saliver EEEEWWWW!!!!

MORE!! MORE!! IT'S A MOREEEEEE!!

LOVE!!

Okay, I already like the opening paragraph. Not only is it short, and to the point, but I adore the second sentance. It's interesting, because I would have never said that Pete grabbed onto Jared's sleeve. I would have said some ordinary like, "I shouted at him to stop." I really like how you said that. It makes me think of a child chasing after his mother. Very unique.

The first sentance of the next paragraph, I think you should change around a bit. Instead of having him speak at the end, make him speak at the beginning. "Alright," Jared replied after a long moment of silence.

In the next paragraph, you need to watch your capitalization a bit. "What?" He asked... and ...Five minutes. But otherise the paragraph is done nicely. I like how Jared is the leader of the groap and Pete just sort of does what he says. I can see that happening in real life too. :tehe:

Oh, I'm not so sure if the word "Idiot." is needed. It's a harsh word, especially for one lover to say to another, plus you don't really need it with the word, "scoffed," there. Great choice of words, by the way.

In the next two paragraph I think that description is down well. Word's like "sickly, and "nameless," are nice touches. Though, again, when Jared jumps up, I think you need to make him speak first like, "Kill the lights!" Jared whispered hoarsely, jumping up from his spot. Otherwise, you're doing such a amazing job, I'm being pulled in with every word to be honest. Your writing demands attention.

I turned to see who opened the door; a man about the same height as me, but with way cooler hair.

:think: You're not using the semi-colon properly. It's almost as if someone shoved it in there without you noticeing. Try something like this: I turned to see who had opened the door and came face to face with a man about my height, but carried a little more weight then me. I think that the comment about his hair was a bit tacky, but commenting more on his build would help. Gosh, I feel like I'm tearing your story to shreads. I'm sorry, I really do like it, but I just so want you improve too. :arms:

The next few lines I have no objections too, but I just found another semi-colon. “What?” I asked stupidly when Jared looked at me; apparently he had asked me a question. I think this be changed to something like this:"What?" I responded stupidly, as Jared stared at me as if he expected an answer.

Then stop fucking acting like it!” He threw a fork that was lying on the table at me, I winced as it found its target. “Anyway, we have to rescue him. And Luke here reckons there’s hope for us.”

Brilliant. I love the fork action. It seems sort of mean, but it's just part of Jared's personality. He isn't patient. I really think you pull off both of their personalities very well. I also loved how you said, "found it's target." Again, very unique choice of words.

“Just my luck, getting into more shit,” I whined angrily.

You need to stop here. Period after shit. :cute:

For the rest of this, I want to ignore the errors. I don't think you need anyone to point them out to you anymore, and i just want to get to the story. I loved this whole last part. It's so interesting and just crazy. It made made my heart beat wildly, and at the same time confused, but I think that was the point. You really grab a hold right down to the last period, and I admire that very much.

I'm sorry I'm not that good of a reviewer. I just don't know what else to say. Good job! Just remember to watch yourself!

Sorry for the wait. My mum made me do stuff.

It was because of him.

Nice opening line. It has my attentention is caught. The repetition of the word "marry" is brilliant; it really gets the message into people's heads and it makes it clear that you're still talking about the marriage. Also, I'm a sucker for short opening paragraphs.

Next paragraph is not so good. I would reccomend that you don't start a new sentance with "Though". It goes after a comma, not a semi-colon either. Also, that semi-colon on the second line should really be a full stop. I can understand why you've put it there, but it doesn't seem to fit the paragraph.

Having a one sentance paragraph is always good, a one word paragraph is even better, however, you shouldn't start this with "But" or any other connective word. Let the sentance speak for itself.

Maybe I'm subconsciously masochistic

Brilliant use of itallics, although I would suggest you put a full stop at the end of that, unless you're looking to continue it after "I thought". The abscentminded mention of the dinner plates is good. There could possibly be some description there - go off on a slight tangent and then come back to the point. Were they patterned? How big were they? What had Pete been eating off them? etc.

She was so much nicer before we had gotten married.

Again, expansion. I haven't heard what she looks like yet, not one detail. All you've told me is that she was nice. What did she do? Was she Pete's friend?

sadistic, controlling, miserable

Good. Descriptive lists always work best if you use three items. It keeps the rhythm of the story going and makes it flow. Well done. I have no issues with the rest of the paragraph, apart from that the word "and" does not require a comma before hand. It is a connective in its own right.

I glanced at the clock - it read 5:42 pm.

Again, good abscentminded mentions. This one doesn't require any description but you don't need "it read" in that sentance. Just stating the time gives the narrator a kind of jumpy, impatient feel. I'm guessing that was what you were aiming for.

"Pete," she began, "do you love me?"

Interesting sentance. It has the readers attention and tells us more about the Mrs. Slight niggle, you don't need a break in the line unless you want to put "she paused" in there. It should be either "Pete, do you love me?" or "Pete," she paused "Do you love me?".

She asked this, every day. And every day, my answer was always the same. "Yes." I was feeling anything but love.

Brilliant. Small thing: Please don't start a sentance with "And". It makes it look tacky. You can put a comma in instead if you want a pause.

You called me up the stairs for this?

-Jaw drop- That's fabulous. It should, however, be on a line of its own. You need to draw attention to the loathing he has for his wife and show clear distinction between what he's saying and what he's thinking.

"Of course I fucking am! Why else would I be here?"

You're really good at writing speech. This is great. It shows Jared's true colours already: he's snappy, sarcastic and impatient.

He handed me his gun and I looked at him in surprise. "I thought you were going to do it?"

Again, exceptional. It shows that they're both rather cowardly and don't like getting their hands dirty, however, the speech requires its own line.

Anything to get away from her. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't shoot her.

Apart from the starting a sentance with "But" and that rogue comma that should be a semi-colon, this is fine. I'm sure you could come up with something a little more expressive though.

"Here, like this,"

Really small niggle: fullstop not a comma.

Jared screamed as the sirens began. We ran into a side street, then an alley. The red and blue of the sirens rushed past us and we were safe.

"Sirens began" could possibly be "sirens blared". I suggest you find an alternative word for sirens in the second sentance, but aside from those to points, this is brilliant.

“Of course they will, are you completely stupid?”

Quite the speech master, aren't you? Watch your punctuation again. That comma sbhould be a full stop or a semi-colon. The more you use punctuation, the weaker the affect becomes. Jared seems to be quite a nasty person from what you've shown me so far. I hope that was what you were aiming for.

"Please," the man uttered shrilly.

Heh. Shrilly. The more unusual words you can fit in, like this, the better. Expand your vocabulary and your story will look amazing on the page.

Jared pulled out a small knife, driving it into the man's side. "I know it's bitter," he continued, twisting the blade around. "I know it hurts." The man began to scream. "That's right..." Jared muttered. "Scream for your safety."

-Second jaw drop- That's really sadistic, cruel and scary. It really shows you what Jared is really like, although I suggest you put some remorse and sorrow into him during later chapters or he'll seem two dimensional. This should be its own paragraph.

"Jared, we have to go,"

Again, full stop. The only other major issue is that you didn't put any of Pete's thoughts or feelings about Jared's actions into the last paragraph. It seemed almost like Pete was watching silently and without emotion. I'm sure that wasn't right.

Overall, this story is very good, but there is room for improvement.

You know, you should really write more of this before your dear red-headed friend has a fit causing her head to explode....

*puppy eyes*

*gives virtual candy cane*

ZOMG I WUV DIS SOOOO MUCH!!

Pixbo should have their own TV show they're so damn cute!!

And I like it cuz it's loooooong and satisfyyyyyysssssss my cravings ;;P

mooooorrreeeeeee soon??

I think Dan should be in this story. Like, Szabs can bump into him and be all And Pixie can get jealous, and then, they can have hot make-up sex.


PAGE CLAIM!! HE IS NAMED BOB!!

PREEETTTYYYYYYY
Poor Jared *hugs him*
And poor Pete, getting stuck with a dodgy shopping trolley. Oh the horror.
I love Luke, he's so gorgeous.
LOVE!!

RUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG
LLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

....pie.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPP
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPDDDDDDDDDD
DDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I WANNA SEE THE SEXINESS OF LIXXIE DAMNIT!!

Take ya freaking time updating-_-
But an awesome update it twas.
Frick I love the whole Pete/Jared thing, it's so damn cute. And Pixie/Luke is sexy too.
And it makes me giggle because some of my Hot Lies obsession has come back from talking to Mr. Pix. :D:D
Can't wait for the next chaaaapppttteeerrrr!! Be warned, you will be unwillingly molested every day until I see it, or at least some of it. >_<

UPDATE YOUR STORY OR I'LL KILL GREEN DAY!!!!

I love the new intro, not that I can remember the old one lol.
But seriously, I love the first chapter, I don't know what you think is so bad about it. :S

more comments more omments^^

ZOMG THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT STAB ME IN THE LEG!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
PIE!!!!

There you go, I finally updated. : D

AHAHAHAHAHA UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZOMG INTRIGUE!!!!
OMG PIXIE!!!!
GO JARED CHOP LEADO'S....*cough* LEG OFF!!!! :twisted: