Lifeline - Comments

Thank you! There be an update soon, so just hang there. I've the next chapter all planned.

Oh and also, in the summary it says 'stroy' instead of story. :)

1) Thanks muchly for the ded.
2) Shush. The fish story was cool.
3) YAY YOU PUT IT UP.
4) I suck at reviewing. Expect the following comment to suck ass.

Running. Just running. My entire being was concentrating on just that. Just running. I like that. It gets you straight in there so you're left like, why the hell is this thing running? Oh and if I hadn't known that this story featured bands, I honestly would have thought I was reading about a horse in a race or something.

He was rich. He was famous. He was a rockstar. He was Jacoby Shaddix. Okay, um, wow. Straight in with the information here! Remember my reaction to this part in ICT? It's happening again.

Wait! Snow?! I love how you used this line. It just shows that our main character was so focused on running that she didn't notice the weather, which is most likely what would happen in that situation. I love when we get some reality in writing. (:

I screwed my eyes shut, and sleep quickly snuck me away to the land of dreams. This is probably just me being picky, but I'm not sure if 'snuck' really works here. I had to read the sentence a few times before I understood it properly.

It rocketed in through my ear, rattled around my head, and shot out the other ear. You know in cartoons when they have a mini rocket fly straight through the cartoon's head, lingering behind the eyeballs? Totally had that image when I read this. Good work!

The scene was slowly filling itself in, as if an invisible hand was painting the scene in incredible detail, with me in the middle of the canvas. This is an amazing way to paint the scene (no pun intended). It creates a powerful image in the readers' mind.

My hand closed around the door and passed straight through it. My mouth opened into a perfect little “o”. My mind, working a gazillion times the speed of light, worked something out for me. I, personally, think this would have sounded better if you'd put "My mind, at a gazillion times the speed of light, worked something out for me." Using 'work' in two different forms inside one sentence just doesn't seem right to me, for some reason.

Then I saw myself running down the round, screaming and sobbing down the road. Down the round? Sorry, doesn't make sense to me.

So either this is like a weird premonition, or I’ve now got a doppelganger as well as a famous father. I LOVE. That's all there is to it. :)

ran other to my mum should be ran over to my mum, am I correct?

I opened my, and saw a rock face towering above. I think you missed out the word 'eyes' here, love.

So, all in all, this was pretty darn good. I subscribed and I'm expecting more from you!
& I'm gonna dedicate something to you, bab.