Delude - Comments

Sorry to tell you but the picture you have in this story is Lara Jade's and she has copy rights on all of her pictures so it would be cool if you could take it down.
Here is her DeviantArt: http://larafairie.deviantart.com/

I personally think you have a good amount of detail. (:

I agree with Anonymiss but there is such a thing as over describing. You've put alot of detail into the first chapter that could have been used in later chapters.

Seems this like would stand as something good for a change. I'm excited to see what you come up with next.