April 10th, 2010 at 05:09am
Drops of Reality - Comments
-
-
Thanks, that was really helpful. :)April 10th, 2010 at 02:29am
-
And I liked getting assistance, unlike others my age.
Proper sentences don’t start with and. This can be written without that, or attach it to the sentence before it.
My parents had started their family when they were sixteen, moved into an apartment, and struggled till after high school.
“Till” is not a word. Until is. ‘til is a contraction, and till means to plow a garden.
“Ah, but Jani I mean this fly.”
There should be a comment after Jani because it sounds stupid without it.
This shouldn’t be all one phrase, there should be a pause.
I took my juice box out of my paper bag and handed it over to Tyson.
You bring in this character without any previous description at all. I have no idea who he is and you give the readers nothing.
That’s why you had the seizure”
Period.
“I though the treatment last year got rid of all the Mets.” Savannah stated with such authority I almost thought she was a grown up.
The period before the end quotation should be a comma. You also wrote though instead of thought.*
“Jani, can you tell me why you did that?” Dr. Newell rearranged her self on her chair,
Herself is one word.
“Because I don’t want to read anymore of that dumb journal.” Jani snapped.
This should be a comma instead of a period. It’s correct grammar.
You have a lot of easily fixed grammar errors, that could easily be fixed by proofing once or twice.
There is no constructive anything in this comment, only criticism because I feel like I should return the favor.April 6th, 2010 at 01:08am
you are quite possibly one of the best authors that I've ever discovered, I swear to God. [;