Stop. Rewind. - Comments

Honestly, I was rendered speechless for a good five minutes after I read this. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was scared for Ryan, and I actually resented Brendon in this one.

It felt somewhat schizophrenic, though I'm not entirely sure that was the intention. I know he was written as mentally unstable, but the specific disease...I think you know what I'm getting at.

Anyway, thanks for making me feel something while reading this. Sometimes it's just easy to make the reader feel lots of different emotions at once, but I like that you made me feel scared then expanded on that fear.

Crazy boy, crazy boy, just a fucking crazy boy...

Love that. Ryan's is really fucked up in this. He's messed up. But that's what I like =DD

Wow, Dru, honestly what can I say about this? It was like a roller coaster ride from start to finish; it was very quick moving and flowed brilliantly. This was such a powerful piece of writing.

The opening description was great and I really liked the Disney reference and how upset Ryan was when he realised his and Brendon's relationship wouldn't have a happy ending. It's so raw and brutally honest, and that's one of the things I love when I read something of yours - you don't sugar coat anything.

It did take me awhile to realise who the words in italics were meant to be spoken by - the voice in Ryan's head, right? - and I'll say it was a tad bit confusing to begin with, but it did really add to the story in a way. The repetition of the "crazy crazy crazy" was incredibly effective and just made me think that Ryan was completely out of control by this point.

My favourite descriptions would have to be And you run at the wall, start screaming, clawing, punching, ripping. and Go to the bathroom, hit the mirror, shatter because the short, choppiness of the sentences were incredibly effective in what you were trying to get across - these erratic and frenzied movements by someone who has just completely lost their mind.

Another line I'd like to point out is this one Wearing him like a fucking accessory. Like those stupid fucking gloves you used to wear. God, you looked like a fucking dancer from the Moulin Rouge. because it honestly creeps me the fuck out. I guessed that you were implying Ryan had cut off a piece of Brendon and was wearing it. That's what I got out of it, even if that wasn't your intention, and it really creeped me out big time. It showed how crazy Ryan had become to do such a thing.

The Stop. Fast forward. was a great way to end it, because it was basically Ryan in a nutshell. A train wreck; an out of control mess.

Story Review Game:

Before I get to the actual story, I'd like to say I loved the layout. The banner was absolutely gorgeous, and the colour scheme fitted perfectly. It really was amazing. You have talent at this to almost equal your talent at writing.

The extract you chose for the summary was perfect - it gives you a sense of what sort of story it is, makes you think, and I really thought it was a great way to pull people in, make them hungry for me. The 'free laptop' and 'fucking Disney movie' references were excellent, too, as it's something that all of us in the modern world can relate to.

As suggested, I had Pretty Buildings playing as I read. Apart from being an amazing song [they're a band I intend to look into now], i could tell from the opening bars it was going to fit the story. I don't know if this was intentional, or just a song that inspired you, but it worked either way.

The way the story worked was unusual too; the ending at the start was an effective tool, and one I haven't seen before. It suited the story though, and gave enough away to make you wonder what could have possibly brought about this situation, but not enough to ruin the entire plot. A perfect balance of the two.

The way the title fitted in was great, too, and it made me think of an old movie. I don't know if you were aiming for this type of imagery, but that's what I got.

The rhetorical question makes you wonder who the narrator is - I'm not usually a fan of first person, but you're one of the few people I've seen that can pull it off completely.

Brendon’s chewing at one of his fingernails and it makes some sort of disgusting sound and I look at the carpet. It took a few reads for me to realise that it was the repeated 'and' that made this sentence so effective. It's so simple yet perfect.

You also have a knack of being able to use sophisticated language in your descriptions, and making your speech casual, without either seeming out of place or unnatural. It really blends together unnoticeably, and makes the story that much more real to the reader.

You also describe things simply - “Yeah, sure.” We go into his room and pass his pipe back and forth. He kisses my neck and jerks me off. Then I leave and go back to my incredibly empty apartment.. This is a prime example, and one place it works well. Other authors might dwell for pages on these three sentences, analysing and describing every aspect, and you skim over it. This isn't a mistake, an error, though, it just adds to the effect. It's what they do, it's normal. You want to get that across.

Wearing him like a fucking accessory. I adored this line.

My only criticism would be that I wasn't always sure who was speaking/it was talking about, when it was in italics.

But overall I thought it was a amazing story, and definitely one I'd recommend for any Ryden fan.

Extremelyhappy reading. That was definitely different from some of your other stuff, and it was sogood. I really liked how you started at the end and then brought it back to the beginning-ish to show us what was going on, then carried that back to where we started.
All the parts in italics, with the Crazy boy, crazy boy, just a fucking crazy boy....,I really liked the feeling and (insert correct word here) I got from those.
Magnificent.

Oh wow Dru, that was so powerful. I think my favorite parts were when the voice was talking to Ryan. He just seemed so out of control. Though I didn't like Brendon in this sotry. He should've let Ryan talk out thier problems. Who were the two dead bodies? Brendon's and...the girl he was with? Hm..anyways favorite line/s: Now you’re just . . .

That’s it. You’re just.

Just here. Existing. Barely.

I really like this! It's very well written! :)

My newest story.
I've been wanting to write something like this for awhile now.

Happy [?] reading.

xoxox
-Dru