The Soft Sound of Loneliness - Comments

I absolutely loved this piece. Lawson is such a fascinating character and he made my heart ache. You really have a way with words, just really pretty sentences. This is one of my favourite lines ever, "Lawson cared too much and he didn’t care enough," right in the feels.

Everything he does just adds to this guy's character. This could be written about a real person and I wouldn't bat an eyelid. What I really love is how the narrator talks about it though - you can feel him trying to disconnect from Lawson with an almost clinical narration but ending up failing miserably because love and stuff and it's simply gorgeous. Honestly, this is one of the best stories I've read on Mibba. Really, really beautiful.

Good luck in the contest!

Wow! That was really good. The imagery and the detail put into the story just sucked you in but it still kept a large amount of mystery. No gramatical errors or spelling ones which makes me love it do much more!

My one complaint would be that I want there to be more! It makes me want to know what happens next!!! Awesome! Great job!

Ohai, Nate here. ^^

I liked this, and the layout.
The first sentance I read, He tried to fuck me after our first date. I accidentally scrolled down a bit and found that at the top of my screen. So pleasant, right? xD

It makes me sad that it's short, though. It's a total underestimation of a writer's skill and whatnot. Anyways, you should keep up what you're doing and never stop!

This was.... beautiful...
He smoked with his index and middle fingers, the rest fanned out across his face, like a mask to hide himself.
I liked that line a lot.
He cried because he thought everyone was leaving him,
And that entire paragraph made me tear up. Reminds me of myself if I were a guy.
You have an amazing way with words, and I'll be checking out your other stuff.

I definately agree with the author's note. It's beautiful and...man, I wish there were more words to describe it; there are so many things I can say about this, but beautiful is the only one I can think of. The piece flowed together amazingly. There were no flaws, no grammar or spelling errors, nothing. It's perfect. And I love Lawson. I wish I could meet a guy like him - perfect to me, but still flawed. The ending shocked me. I definitely didn't expect it at all; I wished he would've felt better D: <3
Once again, this was gorgeous. Lovely job! <3

This was absolutely beautiful. I wish I had another way to describe how much I absolutely loved it, but beautiful is the best description I can think of at the moment.

The entire piece flowed together flawlessly through all the time jumps and dialogue.
And Lawson, he was so entirely flawed, yet seemed so perfect at the same time.
The ending made it so much better as well. A tragic ending gave it a greater impact than a happy-go-lucky finish would have.

Definitely my favorite short story that I've read. Well done <3

I know you've probably heard this about a hundred times from the comments you have received but this is seriously an ALL-TIME best. My mouth was hanging so long I thought it was going to fall. xD

It was incredibly beautiful. There was just something about it, the sentiment in which you wrote it that just touched every girl who read it. I mean, now I want my own Lawson. xD

"He talked through our entire first time. His voice held that calm, deep, raspy, Lawson-tone as he whispered sweet things into my ear, maybe trying to ease my pain.
He cussed a lot through it too, but the deep gravel-like sound of his voice made even the dirtiest words sound pure."

You would never think of anything of this sort that would ever happen during sex. It sounds so... soft. That's not exactly the word I'm looking for buuuut, something of that sort. :3 it soudns so attractive. So alluring.

His blonde hair was messed up in that way that usually took at least fifteen minutes to perfect but was most likely the way he had woken up. His black button-up shirt was wrinkled and half untucked in a way was probably unintentional but still seemed to radiate elegance.

Lawson was perfect and beautiful in an unprepared and accidental manner.

This was probably the part that made me pee a little. It was just so... attractive. He sounds incredibly sexy. I mean, you just have quite the talent for portraying this truly sexy guy.

Anyway, on to my point. You have so crazy talent. Not even kidding. Quite the poet.

That was really good.
It was honest and flowed well and the dialogue was great.
It was almost poetic and I'm glad that it was completely about the sex.

“Have you ever been afraid of something that you don’t understand?” he had asked
I love that line.
Love it.

This is one of best short stories I've read, ever.
Your writing is just, spectacular.
I loved the way you didn't base this completely around sex, too.

Great job.
<3

*flicks tear*

The best short story ever. You have a real talent, hon.

This is just...pretty much beyond words. One of the best things I've read, for sure.

Maybe I'd come up with better praise if I didn't feel like this is something I've been looking for, someone describing exactly what I've worried about for ages. Maybe this sounds absurd, but I kind of feel like that...that once I stop fearing something [and I mostly fear rational situations and absurd outcomes] once I wrap my head around it, that I no longer have any interest in it. It has ruined many situations.

So thank you, even if you didn't mean for it to be, this seems to be exactly what I was waiting for. It's okay, I didn't know either.

Ohkay, that was really great. It wasn't the same old story. It made sense enough for me to have questions without truly wanting to know the answers.

Why did Lawson seem so needy in the beginning? Albeit, he obviously cared for her a lot but over all, he doesn't seem like that person whatsoever. I don't know why, but I always laugh when one of the people having sex talks through the majority of it.

He talked through our entire first time. His voice held that calm, deep, raspy, Lawson-tone as he whispered sweet things into my ear, maybe trying to ease my pain.
He cussed a lot through it too, but the deep gravel-like sound of his voice made even the dirtiest words sound pure.

I really love how after all that endless poking and pestering of love and affection and the love making ecstasy [p.s. thank you for not using that word!], he's gone the next morning. I really didn't expect him to fuck her/him[?] or leave.

I had expected Lawson to fuck me and then tell me to leave, but he made love to me and asked me to stay the night.
He was gone when I woke up the next morning and the coldness on the opposite side of the bed made my heart twinge, but I hadn’t predicted that he would be there waiting either.

I was going to wait until the end to mention this but I can't help it. I love how describe Lawson! Not only do you give unseen detail but you detail the detail. I think the most descriptive thing I've read before is 'the pain was too much.' and then that's it. This story was a relief in more ways than one.

Also, I love how unnatural he is. The things he does, says, and thinks aren't common. His unwavering cool, and constant sameness makes it all seem new and previously obscured.

Lastly, my favorite part is definitely the ending. You don't know where he is, why exactly he left in the first place, you don't see any signs of him coming back or not. It's all a mystery. I have to make my own 'ending'. I truly don't know what to say without repeating myself. I can't express how much I love this story. It is definitely my new standard setter.

I liked this story because it wasn’t your typical slash story. Yes, there was sex but that wasn’t the main point. It’s interesting how you decided not to give a full explanation why Lawson left, just your typical cliché breakup “it’s not you, it’s me”. To me it seemed like he was afraid to love someone and afraid of being hurt if they didn’t love him back.

It was cliché and it was bullshit, but I stayed anyway. and It was cliché and it was bullshit, but I believed him anyway.
I really loved those two lines. As a reader I’m thinking, “that’s totally cliché”. It made me smile to know the narrator thought so, too. Another reason I liked it is because things like this do happen in real life. People succumb to cliché things.

After a month and a half of endless Lawson this and Lawson that, the never ending talk of the man having almost driven me insane, I finally succumbed.
I read this sentence many times and it just doesn’t sound right. The second part “the never ending...insane” especially. I think it would sound better as: After a month and a half of endless Lawson this and Lawson that, the never ending talk of the man almost drove me insane; I finally succumbed.

I remember his face against my neck, his lips on my forehead, his breath ghosting over my jaw.
I love the bolded part. I’ve never heard it be described that way, but it’s so good.

One suggestion I have is to mentioned this is a slash story in the summary.

Your descriptions are good – not to wordy, not to simple. The story flowed very well and never seemed to drag on. I liked how the ending sort of left you hanging in a way; wondering if Lawson would ever come back.

This story was beautiful and very well written. It reminded me a lot of The Rules Of Attraction. I can see why you're proud of this piece, it is very poetic and tragic.

You entered this into my Femmeslash and Slash Contest;

Well, to be truthful, I was confused throughout the story. The writing was amazing, and I loved it, but I was confused on who the other character was. Female, male? Because the point of that contest was same-sex couples. But, still, this was very good. I'm just confused on that one fact...

Anyway, excellent grammar and spelling, and punctuation. You did wonderful on this.

quite the possibly the best thing I've ever read.
that was absolutely amazing.

wow thos was really good

Yay, first comment!
I absolutely LOVED this oneshot.
It was incredibly beautiful and well written.
However I do wish there was a sequel.
I want Lawson back.