Pretty Boy. - Comments

SHIT.

I mean, thats the first word that came to mind after a read this. Then a few more came, but yeah. this really is some great stuff, i mean, i'm usually really picky about what i read, but i mean, i'm totally in love with this. Like, i'd stand outside of this story's window with a boom box blasting Friday I'm In Love. It's pretty phenomenal and i really hope you continue with it. If you dont i'll cry, and no one wants that because my sobs are usually really loud and screams are almost always involved.

So, please, please update soon. Please.

shit man, this is amazing.
i dont even know what to say but im looking forward to more of this.

Just found this. Love the plot so far and can't wait to see where this goes! I believe it's very well-written and I do hope you continue on with this! I'll be waiting for updates!! :P *subscribes*

I really really loved this.
Update please.
<3

Story Review Game

Omigosh, I remember reading this! You switched up the layout, if I'm not mistaken. Still pretty spiffy.

Chapter 2

Gerard is on Frank’s red couch, feet flat on the floor, back rod straight. - I usually don't like a ton of description in one sentence, but you've really pulled it off here. It's enough so that I get a clear view of his posture without a ton of stuff being shoved down my throat about whatever he's wearing and whatnot.

Gerard tries, leaning back and failing miserably, looking like a half inflated balloon. - I really like the comparison to the balloon here. I also like how this small gesture provides so much characterization, and I can infer that Gerard is sort of nervous and maybe a little uptight.

The plan had been to take the pictures at the same spot as before; - You should use a comma here instead of a semi-colon.

Frank couldn’t let him stay outside in that; it wouldn’t have made for good pictures he tells himself. - This is purely my personal preference, but I would have broken thse two sentences up instead of using the semi-colon. I would've also put what Frank tells himself in either italics or quotation marks.

He had followed Frank, scraping his heels as the flurries of snow thickened, unspeaking and sullen; his apartment was only ten minutes walk but it was silent and Frank couldn’t help but feel like the whole process might be a little forceful. - While I like the description in this bit, I feel like it's too run-offy and could use some breaking up.

Gerard had looked at Frank, defeated and dropped his pale fingers to his belt buckle, toying with the metal. - You need another comma after "defeated."

Again, Frank shrugs, eyed finally falling on the creases on Gerard’s forehead. - I think you meant "eyes" hear, just a typo.

Gerard lights up; sighing and tipping his head back as he exhales, eyes heavy lidded. - I love this description!

Gerard’s eyes widen, startled and he smirks - You need a comma after "startled."

when Gerard’s smoke is almost spent. - I really like the word choice here, especially "spent." It's just so perfect.

Another shrug: - I feel like a period would work better here than a colon.

Frank doesn’t adorn his words or thoughts, is too concentrated and is pleased with the result of his words - I feel like this part is worded a bit awkwardly, but I don't have any specific examples of how to change it.

to create a loveheart and holding it in-front of his face. - You don't need the hyphen here.

“You could crash on the couch if you wanted? I’m outta’ here pretty early but if you need somewhere to sleep...” - I don't really read the first sentence as a question as much as a statement, so I would use a period and not a question mark. You don't need an apostrophe after "outta," but you do need a comma before "but."

“Hey, wait a second,” - You need a period here instead of a comma since Frank finds... doesn't have anything to do with the preceding dialogue. Like, Frank finds... isn't the same as Frank says or Franks laughs, so you should use a period instead of a comma here. Sorry if I'm horrible at explaining.

And if anything, it’s kind of underpaid for a ‘model’ but to be honest, I can’t really afford anymore, - You need a comma before "but."

Frank grins though earns only a small, melancholy smile from Gerard who thanks him heading for the door again. - You need a comma after "Gerard."

Gerard nods and pushes the piece of paper into his pocket, Frank doubts that he’ll ever use it but needs to know that he’s done virtually everything in his power to help the boy who seems so lost. - This sentence would flow better if it was broken up at the comma. Just replace the comma with a period.

At some point he glances out the window and notices the snow. - You need a comma after "point."

Overall, this was a good read. I'm not a fan of Frerards or of the band, but the story you've got here is really intriguing. I'm actually quite envious of your use of description because I've been having trouble including description in my latest story. Your description doesn't feel forced, and I like that. I also like how natural your dialogue sounds. It actually sounds like two people talking as opposed to someone trying to recreate two people talking.

Keep up the good work!

i usually ode frerard's because they're all written the same, but this one is amazing by far.
amazing job, this could be one of my favorites if you continue writing!

That was sweet. And like Green Apple said, the pictures sound actually really...picturesque? Ha, that sounded so lame. Can't wait for the next update.

PRETTY BOY! -wide heart eyes-

I'm glad he's back, 12 years later or not. I liked this chapter because it was all about Gerard only being comfortable with a cigarrette on his hand, and because Frank is so, so eager to get ALL the photos he can of Gerard. It's very pretty, actually. And someone relaxing on the couch must do some great pics, seriously; so picturing this in one's head is actually pretty easy.

And aw, Gerard's coming to the couch. I hope no one's hurting him outside, it would suck.
Thanks for the new chapter, Sammy <3

SAMMY! *_* New story? You're killing me because you didn't tell me about it. Oh my.

Oh my.
I can't believe I read this on LJ and I didn't know it was you. Ugh. Well, now you're gonna see me comment on both places. That's what you get.

I don't think there is much to say to this first chapter, because it introduces us a Frank that loves photography and is just taking random picture at a park and then, BAM, new character, HELLO PRETTY BOY. I love it that you fit the title right away, because it feels important for the story. At least I feel that... well, I feel that Gerard will have a difficult story to tell and Frank will most likely portrait through his photographs.

I just hope it's not to late for Gerard. He seems to need to be fixed, and I want him to WANT to be fixed. It doesn't matter if it's with pictures or with fucking glue. He NEEDS the fix. And I know Frank is willing to give him that. We saw how Frank was concerned, how Frank was interested in his project but also on the boy - otherwise he wouldn't have accepted to buy him some coffee. Sure, it could also be his subtle payment for having taking the photographs without Gerard's permission, but still! They sat TOGETHER drinking their coffees. That's important. A LOT.

And Frank calls him KID *_________* pure love. Seriously, Sammy, this is great. I love it.

Story Review Game

Okay, first off, I love the simplicity of your layout, and the banner is just awesome.

I also love how brief your summary is, but I did find a couple errors.

Gerard's his subject now and Frank is mesmerized. - You need a comma before "and."

Don't own the characters but the plot belongs to me, this most probbly didn't happen... - You need a comma before "but," and you misspelled probably.

Frank realises that he’s going to have to drop the contents of one of his hands to maintain the other. - I don't really like the way this way phrased. It's a bit confusing and doesn't really flow well.

I do like the introduction, but it's full of run on sentences, so I would suggest breaking it up a little. Also, you're using semi-colons the wrong way. They can only be used to tie together two related sentences without a conjunction or in a list that includes commas, such as a list of cities and states.

It’s a relatively easy decision but Frank is still saddened when the dark liquid spills out over the concrete, staining the rubber tips of his shoes. - You need a comma before "but."

It’s early, maybe nine in the morning, and he’s in the park, taking pictures of the late Autumn glory. - Autumn's a season, it doesn't need to be capitialized.

The three people being; an old man walking his dog, a half asleep father unawares that his child is crying and bleeding from the elbow and then the last solitary figure. - You need a colon ( : ) here instead of a semi-colon.

I love how natural your dialogue sounds, but there's a few errors with the format.

“Fine, okay. I’ll do it. You’ll pay?” Frank nods. - I'm using this line as an example because I keep seeing this in this chapter. You should put Frank nods in a separate paragraph because Frank is a different speaker, even if technically he isn't speaking. New speaker = new paragraph.

“Let me take more pictures of you, I’ll pay this time,” Gerard laughs. - I'm not sure if you meant to put Frank laughs, because if you did, this would be correct. If you mean to say that Frank is talking, and Gerard laughs at his comment it should be like this:

"Let me take more pictures of you. I'll pay this time . (period, not comma, because it's the end of a sentence and there's no "frank says" or whatever after it.)"

Gerard laughs.

I hope I explained that correctly, because I wasn't exactly sure how to word it.

Anyways, this is a nice first chapter, and I feel like you ended on the right note. This seems like it could develop into a really interesting story, even though I'm not a fan of the fandom myself. I really hope I didn't come off bitchy, but I'm a total grammar nazi. Hope my review was at least somewhat helpful.

I fucking LOVE this, it's an excellent start and I've even amazed myself that I'm commenting because I'm a seriously lazy person and I tend to just lurk but then occasionally I find these amazing fics that I just HAVE to comment on :) so that should tell you how awesome this is. Please continue, I'm going to subscribe and await your next update <3
This story is going to be great, I can tell ^_^
xoxo