I Really Don't Want "Miserable at Best" to Be Dedicated to You - Comments

  • XSoulXLoverX

    XSoulXLoverX (350)

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    @ foREVerTegan:D
    Thanks! Seeing as this story was written, months and months ago, before I really started to edit my work, I agree that my writing does need a lot more work in this case!
    I appreciate the comment thank you so much!
    July 14th, 2013 at 06:29pm
  • foREVerTegan:D

    foREVerTegan:D (100)

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    Awww this is so cute :) i love how you think they might not get back together but they do :)
    i love how he thinks of the idea of getting a mock concert together to ask Sarah to marry him
    your writing needs a little work but its still pretty good xD

    i havent really listened to Mayday parade before but you tell the characters well
    July 10th, 2013 at 08:41am
  • XSoulXLoverX

    XSoulXLoverX (350)

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    @ bright as fire.
    Thanks for the comment!
    November 4th, 2012 at 04:38am
  • bright as fire.

    bright as fire. (100)

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    Hello, Comment Swap!
    I like that this starts off with an argument. You have quite a few places where you've missed commas though, and several times you mixed up the verb tense (jumps instead of jumped). S/He said is also used after almost every sentence--I use thesaurus.com while I'm writing if I feel like I'm over-using a word.
    November 3rd, 2012 at 09:58pm
  • XSoulXLoverX

    XSoulXLoverX (350)

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    @ Human Shapeshifter
    Thanks for the comment! :) I know about the showing instead of telling, I've been working on that a lot lately, and your criticism is was very much appriciated. I plan on re editing most of my stories on here! I am glad that you enjoyed it overall and I'll take your advice to heart for sure! Thanks again! :D
    September 29th, 2012 at 07:30pm
  • Zorua

    Zorua (100)

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    Hi! I want to thank you for entering our contest . I'm here to give you a comment as I promised to give to the stories I read. :)

    First of all, I'm not familiar with this fandom, so I apologize for that, but I guess it would be good to get an outsider's opinion on the story. :) I love romances, you've got me hook, line, and sinker for that, so that doesn't matter if I'm familiar with the fandom or not. xD

    There are a few continuous grammar errors going on, so I'd suggest looking those over. A few tips I'd suggest are not to reuse phrases (you use "he/she yelled" a lot in the opening lines, so maybe change that to "he/she shouted/screamed/shrieked, et cetera) and un-capitalize the tags after dialogue. For example, here: "Well you better prove to her that you do love her." He said." you'll need to lower-case "he" and put a comma after "love her", so the finished product would look like "Well you better prove to her that you do love her," he said."

    As for the plot itself, you can make this richer and vibrant by showing instead of telling. Instead of telling us Alex was heartbroken, you could write, "Alex laid in his bed for days clutching a half-melted pint of chocolate ice cream and watched re-runs of SpongeBob. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, and his beard was unshaven. He was a mess." Or something like that, but you see what I mean. Instead of just giving us a statement, you could go into detail on how it happened.

    This story has a lot of potential and all it needs to do is be cleaned up a bit, and presto! :) I really enjoyed reading this and I hope you continue to enter more contests.
    September 29th, 2012 at 01:08am
  • Neon_Shoelaces

    Neon_Shoelaces (100)

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    It's really good, the ending made me smile and nearly tear up. It's so sweet : D
    February 10th, 2010 at 05:26pm