The Deeper I Get - Comments

I want to read more. YOU NEED TO UPDATE BRO.

well, this is sad... and.. yeah it's sad. But I like sad. Sad is okay. I think I will subscribe. I also think I will stop taking up space. Yeah, that sounds good. Anyway, bye!

Forgot to comment. =\
I love this.(:
You're an awesome writer.

awwwwh this is really good!! I can't wait to find out what happens next! :) I'm proud to say this is my first original story i've ever read :)

A filler's better than nothin' (and I should know- I really need to update!)
Anyway, I liked it. "Cemetary Gates" = wonderful title for this chapter! ;0

SHORT!!!
(: love it

Fer sures liked it! :D

Maybe if I would have driven a little better, or paid more attention…’ things of that sort, he blames himself for it still even though he knows it was not his fault, just a freak accident. Times like now I really wish you were still here, you would know exactly what to say to help us out right now, nothing has been the same without you.

I can see how much you put your family into this. Your dad would react this way and your mom would know just what to do.

Now this is the part I really don’t understand, why a person who was so young, never harmed a soul could be taken so early in life. These are the things that really question if there is a God, why he would take a child from this world is beyond me. I really wish you could have been around longer, so I could have been a good big brother. I could have helped you with school shit and roughed up the boys that you brought home.

this is exactly where the tears started. I was touched by your writing. See, I told you that you love your sister! But really, the emotions that flowed through this piece were shown completely. And to know how hurt your character is by this, is devastating. To know that he wished he could have been a better big brother and person altogether really means something. I love how you give depth to your characters. (wonder where you got that hint from ;) -nudge-)

You said the first one you typed was better, I don't imagine how that could have been. And you know I'm the kind to kick your ass about stuff like that.
A few tiny spelling errors, but that's cuz i'm nit-picky. There's nothing HUGE that you should worry about.

All in all, a wonderful filler.
You need to write more. Like, now

Aw, I almost cried with this chapter.

Short but really good. keep going cant wait for the next chapter. :P

ahh, Drugs cool! I like it! But the layout kind of gave me a headache. But Loved it none the less!

I like it, but the writing is totally super-hard to read! And, I know I don't have to subscribe to repay the 'debt' but I will anyways because this is such an interesting story. I wonder where it's gonna go? UPDATE! please

Good story(:
I can't really read it with the font though. ><

I think you're going good with this story :)
It's nicely writ and it's quite interesting.
I'll stick around for this one.

But, you should try and make your own layout, give the story a nice cover, I don't think this specific pre-made layout makes sense with the story.

Hey pretty great story =P

good job bro.
i love it. i really really liked that last chapter.
poor roland, got kickeded out of his own casa ):

STORT REVIEW GAME:

Layout:

I didn’t really like the fact that you used a pre-made layout. I like it when the author of stories comes up with something original. I know what they say about not judging a book by its cover, but I can’t lie, I do.

Summary:

The summary told enough, and left me on edge to see what happened to this person. I love how it was written. It seems to tell just enough to make a person want to read the first chapter.

Break farther and farther. Keep pushing…and don’t let go…

I love this line. Great way to summarize the story.

Chapter 1:

He went on with his spiel. He put me in his handcuffs and threw me into the back of the car.

I feel that the period after spiel really disrupts the flow of this sentence. In my opinion it should read

He went on with his spiel, put me in his handcuffs and threw me into the back of the car

It sounds better to me that way.

High School has been great and all but I still can't wait to leave.

There should be a comma after all.

She confronted me one day in the halls about buying some weed from me because she wanted to try something new, I had no clue how she found out but figured a sale is a sale.

I feel that this part should be revised. There should be a comma after because, and a period after new. The next part should be a new sentence.

Overall:

I liked it, but the errors took away from the plot for me. I was so engrossed in looking for grammatical errors I didn’t really pay that much attention to the actual plot line. I feel that if you fix it up a bit it will read easier.

Ouch... It's as fast-paced as real life tends to be
(that's a plus from me for keeping it realistic, btw).
I know when my mom kicked me out it was a crash and burn scene relatively like that... :T

Anyway!
Yes, I like (Ch.III). It's always more intriguing to read something you can at least mildly relate to in some way.

bahahahahaaa good chapter title.
i love being able to read this before the others.
and really, its ok, readers come randomly sometimes.
I'll post a link in my next update, if you like, puddin'.

Haha. great chapter.
even though it was just a filler.