No, You May Not Bite the Horse - Comments

hahahahaha!!!!!! that's adorible!

its good and like most said you need more descriptions but its still good and cute ^_^

Try this webpage: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/598/01/. It's a really useful site my English teacher showed us.

The sentences are a bit awkward and hard to understand. Additionaly, you don't always form full clauses.

You asked me to read this, so I did. I have to admit, I didn't like the Twilight Saga when I read it, and this is like the "vampires" in Twilight. But, nonetheless, it does have a cute storyline.
However, I agree with the other comments on this; more descriptions would be nice, and try re-wording some of your sentences to connect the whole story. That way it's not like a bunch of statements, but more like you're telling the story.
I haven't the slightest idea if that made sense or not, but hopefully it did. (:

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I love, LOVE the picture in the summary!

Aw, it's adorable!
See, now you made me want a little vampire kid.
I definitely think you should keep writing this.
It's fun :D

CHARLIE! obsession! um... i think!
wow... charlie is one smart 3 year old!

Aww... thats so cute! I love it!

i love charlie! he's so sweet!
i like this a lot! KEEP UPDATING PLEASE!

vampires cant grow, can they?
poor little charlie, he'll never get a chance to hit puberty xD
good chapter, update soon

I like the story, but you might want to look at the way you word some of your sentences. Good job.

Your story seems really cool. I mean, it's different than what I normally read and it's good. I think that you might want to describe a little bit more, make the reader feel as if they were really in the story, as if they were really Michelle. Charlie is so adorable though.

The prologue was short and sweet. It having not that much detail made sense but the chapters could use some more detail. Chapter 2 started off nice. We(the readers) were introduced to the main character's life and Charlie. There was no description of Charlie, though. It was needed even if it was nothing but eye and hair color. The part of the story that the title is from came out of no where. Charlie asks if he can bite the horse but what horse? Michelle didn't mention any farms or wild horses.

The story so far is cute and funny. I like Charlie. He's very cute and innocent. Keep it up, just don't forget the descriptions!

Hey. The first chapter was difficult to get through, I have to admit. Try to beef out your story a bit with less dialogue and more description; this will keep things flowing and interesting.

hes a vampire?
omg, so does that mean he stays in a 3 year old body for the rest of his life?
this is good :)

this sounds pretty cool,
i wonder whats going to happen
update soon!