February 27th, 2010 at 08:36am
Firstly... awe. :3
This was such a cute oneshot.
I loved it, perfect for Valentine's day.
Grammar
He’d pout and he’d beg and he’d be just a little bit romantic that would make me want him back.
This sentence didn't really make too much sense. I think it would be better if it were 'He'd pout, he'd beg, and he'd be a little bit romantic. He'd do just enough to make me want him back.'
Which is how I ended up here again; in the middle of nowhere with no way to get home.
I think that should be a comma instead of a semicolon.
That constant use of my phone had caused it to die.
This wou;d sound better if it was 'The' instead of 'That'.
He could and had done much better than me, I was just the girl who had grown up with.
I think you meant to put 'he' after who and in front of 'had'.
He pushed his bangs, that thanks to the rain, was sticking to his face, out of the way to look at me.
I think this sentence was a little backward. I think it would be better if it read 'He pushed his bangs, that were sticking to his face thanks to the rain, out of his way to look at me.'
I relaxed into his warm, semi dry embrace, locking my arms around him.
'Semi' and 'dry' should have a hyphen between them.
Overall
This was such a cute oneshot.
I loved it.
John and Lauren are adorable.
that was one of the sweetest things ever!!! XD