Through the Garden Gates - Comments

comment swap
ha when I saw your username I knew it was gonna be good

I have an issue with the layout, which is the black lettering on the dark background make it hard to read, but other than that I love the picture and that green. I just have poor eyes, I guess.

About the story, what a good plot! It's original and I love the fantasy aspect of it. Your writing, as always, is beautiful. Your descriptions are easy to read but so meaningful and they really do paint a picture. You're very talented, please keep writing!

I hate that they do these to these poor women's feet! Some of them are disabled, possibly for life! Just for marriage! I can't believe it. I really want to know Olivia's story. This king seems so cruel already. This is one of those stories that you have to read carefully to be able to understand, but that's a good thing! This is a really good start. You write really well. Very enjoyable.

I had signed up for the comment swap and it recommended for me to read your story. Once I clicked on it, I loved it just from looking at the layout. I love the mint color with the white border and the picture you used. I'm not much of a fan of the font but it's still a simple layout.

I began reading the first sentence.

"Run where you'll be safe, through the garden gates…"

I fell in love even more. The suspense immediately caught my attention.

Then I began to read the first paragraph. What beautiful writing. I can see what happening in the story. Your words aren't just words, they're lyrics that form into a song. They fit each other perfectly with every syllable.

I came across your story through the comment swap and I'm really glad that I did. I absolutely loved the first paragraph and wanted to go ahead and make a comment based solely on that but I kept reading; and it was also enjoyable. I loved that the chapter was so long but I want more!

The only thing; did you mean spirits or sprites?

I would have loved if this had more chapters. I'm not really satisfied with just one but I can manage. It's a very good piece; just like your other works. It was romantic to me actually though I think it wasn't meant to be romantic. Anyways, I really love this piece and I would have loved to see more.

You absolutely have something for writing. I highly enjoyed reading your story, especially the way you developed your main character.

Your usage of adjectives was great. It helped to illustrate the settings and scenes of your story which allowed me to easily picture the environments around your characters.

Keep up the good work!

Hello I am from comment swap.

This is very well, I like it a lot but I saw some things (as I always do) that could be fixed.

I really enjoyed your summary, although it didn't flow as much as I read it at first. Some sentances need to be added to make it more fluent. I also loved the quote you used :Run where you'll be safe, through the garden gates..., I am the type of person that used a lot of quotes and by this quote it sums up your whole story. Very well done.

Your story now, is very well written. You have crafted a beautiful plot. I found some of your sentences a little grammatically incorrect and I saw again that the flow was very choppy.

Your dialogue is not in the proper format, here is a link to help: http://www.mibba.com/Forums/Topic/17965/Rules-For-Dialogue/

That is just about that, very well done, amazing work! Keep it up!

I think you have a lot of talent for writing! The foot binding part made me cringe a bit, since I have read about that in school. I love the layout! The descriptions were phenomenal as well. It was a very unique story and I was happy to read it

This is rather nice and the ending made me very happy. If you ever update this, I will read it. It would be nice to know if anything happens after this and I would love to know how Olivia came to be in this world.

I quite enjoyed this story. The beginning was very good, especially the comparison to Chinese girls' feet - I thought that was a lovely metaphor. Another of my favourite parts was the bit about the mirror showing the real people (creatures) and that's why they didn't enter the room, and then I also loved the concept of names being dangerous, names being albe to bring things back. That was lovely. But I do have some criticism - I found it a little confusing at moments, getting lost in the sentences. And I thought you could have got more out of the story, as if you haven't used the idea properly. I mean, you created an interesting world, but there is so much that was hinted at (especially the escape - I wish you would have explained how she got out better, or even how she got in the world; just the whole fantasy world vs. the real world bit here left me desiring more). But generally I enjoyed the story, I liked that it wasn't a cliche love story (as I had for a moment feared). Well done.

I really like the layout. It's so pretty! I love how unique this is. It can get a little confusing, but once I reached the end I understood it all. I would also like to know how she got there in the first place if it wasn't the same world as her own. But overall it was really good and one of the best short stories I've ever read.

That picture is from the book entwined!!! Really good book, u should read it if u haven't already!!!

Wow! Just wow! That was the best short story I have read in my life! You have an amazing talent!

Numero uno uncontestingly deserved. That was so good! Congrats on winning the PF contest. I've never buzzed to skip a couple lines to know what's going to happen next so much since I read 'crank.'

I loved this! Your mastery of words is magic itself. Please consider continuing this as a full-fledged story. It has the potential to be a very interesting read =]

Uh oh... You're making me not want to join this contest. xD This was so cool! And I'm so proud of myself for getting what Riyole was saying about the prince. The gray letters on the green background make it a little hard to read when my screen's not at its brightest, though. I finished reading it on quizilla. :P

I will gladly get down on my hands and knees and beg you to continue this... I was absolutely drawn in, I don't think I cld have wrenched my eyes from the screen if I tried, not until I reached the very last word... :)

Let me be the first to say... HOLY MOTHER OF MARY this shit was off the fantastical charts!
You legitimately have an amazing talent BJ, seriously.
I just get all excited when I read your work because you have such a way with words. You use them perfectly. I absolutely love this. Not just because I'm a HUGE fantasy fan, but this was really good. I really wish you would make this into a story(:

:D I love the little twist at the end, it makes my gut twist and with slight sadness.. not a happy ending but it was very well suited.