He's Dying to Get Inside - Comments

Hello...
So it's five years after you posted this story, but I still found it. And might I say, I loved it.
Lately I haven't really been commenting on stories that were completed and not to mention, completed rather a long time ago, but with the last author's note you had me convinced to leave a comment because... if you were still looking to have this published someday, I wanted to be helpful.
I originally was going to suggest that if you did rewrite it, write an epilogue because at first the ending left me unsatisfied, him just telling her that he loved her too, but after reflecting on it some more, I realize that I like the ending. I'm so used to coming on here and reading stories with more of an epilogue of sorts that I realize... real books, different teen love stories I've read over the years, have actually ended like you ended yours, and it made me realize, that you shouldn't change or add anything to it. Because that is a true ending right there; slightly unsatisfying, admittedly, but true to a true story ending. Plus, it leaves you with imagining what happens after that on your own, which is perhaps the best part, because not everyone likes to imagine the same ending.
But anyway, I definitely enjoyed this story and trying to think of something constructive to change... maybe add a bit more with what happened with Derek and Darcy. While I admittedly didn't really like their parts and preferred when it focused on Raylee and Alex, it was kind of odd how they were more of a focus in the beginning but then as it got to the second half their part kind of dwindled. I was kind of wondering about what made Derek leave Darcy, for instance, or like what happened that they didn't stay together. Although it was awkward and I can see why they didn't, that probably would have been something important to mention so readers wouldn't be left wondering and just assuming about it. This is just my thoughts but I figured I would try to leave a slight suggestion in case... you ever came back to this and saw my comment? Or eventually do end up having it published. :)
Amazing job with this overall, though. I highly enjoyed and also wanted to leave this comment to show you that... people are still coming across this story and it's leaving an impact on them. :)

Such a good story!
I started reading it because i have a really bad sleeping pattern, but i actually really started getting into it. Haha :3

what i disliked was the story finishing. Now what am i going to do?! D:

Ahhhh my god! I just read this story all at once! It took me over 3 hours! Loveeeed it ;)

OMG! This story was truly one of the best story I have ever read.
At the end when Alex rejected, I was like NO, he can't marry Holly. But then at the end. It was just soooo cute. LOVED LOVED the ending. I wish it was not the end, but, hey, all great stories have to end sometime.

I was away, which is why it's taken me a few days to comment. I can't believe this is over! I'm gonna miss it so much.
I really, really loved the ending. I'm so glad that they got back together, even if Alex was a bit harsh when he lashed out. I enjoy happy endings. :3
My least favorite part about it was Darcey and Derek's relationship - that freaked me out a lot. But, I also think it played a big enough part in the plot line and stuff, so yeah... :)
xx

I loved this story, I just found it sadly. I wish I could have before yesterday, but this story has become my favorite on mibba by far. You and your cowriter are both amazing writers.
My favorite part of this story was the ending, which is very odd for me, i dont usually like the endings of storys but your was great.
My Least favorite part was probably Darcy and Derek, but i get what you mean by using them as a contrast in the beginning.
This was an amazing story, let me know if you get published, I will totally buy the book.

I loved it
it was amazing
yay!!!
happy ending!!!
now update your other stuff

OMFG! I didn't expect that that would already be the last chapter! I was shocked when I saw THE END. lol. But I am very much happy that Raylee & Alex got together. :) I was just a bit pissed with Alex when he got all dramatic. I very much liked the part where Raylee transformed Alex into a whole new person and I just plainly hated Darcy, Derek and Mel. Overall, it is such a good piece of art! Kudos to you and good luck with the publication! Love ya <3 :*

It's over? ...what? :(

OMG you're going to try to publish it?! That's freaking awesome!!!!!!!! :) :)
I would totally buy it if it did!
I'm really sad it's over, however, i'm glad Alex and Raylee ended up together in the end.
I could tell that their lives weren't the same without one another so i'm very happy they both admitted to each other that they are still in love. :)
I loved this story and am sad it had to come to an end. You have to let us know if it might get published...that's so freaking exciting!! :)
<3 Kelsey

I would buy it if it was published, I hope you get that far.

I cannot believe that it's over! But I'm super glad that they're back together. It's wonderful. You are an amazing writer, both of you! I loved the whole thing. It wasn't cliche and it was interesting. You did great.

I just spent the WHOLEEE day reading your story. Its simply amazing. I love how you took such a cliche story line and turned it into this incredible thing. Great job:)

AW!!! The ending was so cute!!!! :D
I'm sad that it had to oend though :[
But it still was really great :]

I nearly cried at the end, my favourite story that ive read on mibba by far and so sad its over. It'll be weird not waiting for the next chapter everytime i go on the comp.

My favourite part was the ending by far, gives yeah hope even if it is fiction.

Good luck with the publishing goal! this story really deserves to be read!

H x

I seriously almost cried when I thought Alex wouldn't take her back. OMG
Thank you so much for letting me be apart of this :D

As a reader, I really hope this gets published.
If it's turned into a book, I'll buy it! haha :))

I loved it, at first I thought it was going to end badly but it didn't :)

WHAT!? WHAT!? I didn't know this was ending! Geebus! Man, I'm so sad this is ending): I loved this!!
I love how Alex and Raylee maked up in the end, it was really cute. At first when he rejected her, I was like "NOOOO!" but I'm glad he changed his mind(:

The most I liked about this story was when Alex and Raylee were together, it was just cute! I was really bummed when they broke up.

The most I disliked about this story was Darcy and her bro. I forgot his name.. Lol. I think it was Derek. But yeah, that was kinda gross that they got together. Ehhhh.

Anyways, once again I'm really sad this is over! I really loved this story, it was cute/funny/adorable with drama where it never got boring! For a cliche story, this is very good!

I hope this gets published, haha. (:

I loved the whole plot of this it never failed to make me happy or sad. It kept me on the edge of my seat, With the whole way it was written i felt for the characters and got dragged into their little worlds :D
im sad this has to end but like i said i loved it and it was a happy ending :D

AHH amazing ending! LOVELOVELOVED it!
hmm. I really liked your descriptions and character development, each character was an individual. The plot changes and twists were also really good, be careful, sometimes people make too many plot twists and the story becomes hard to follow, yours was well written though.
I loved this entire story. I hope you go far in the writing industry, you're really talented.
-x-