oldDear God - Comments

This ought to be interesting. I'm wondering what made Gena vouch for her. Did she recognize something in her? I'm very interested to see where this goes next!

kinda in love with this story!!
and it is sooo addicting..so plz plz plz update soon!!!!!! :D

your story is addicting
please update soon

I really like this story.
Bitch of a mother thought
and I'm really glad that she finally got away.

Creative Criticism:
'I shoved the money in my back pocket and slinged the duffle bag over my left shoulder.' It should be slung, not slinged.
"I can [strike]finally[/strike] get away," I whispered to the depths of my room, “ finally.” One finally is enough in that sentence hun.

Instead of beginning every sentence with "I" try to switch it up a little. I know it's in first person and that does typically require beginning sentences with "I", but a variety in sentences is always a good thing. Also, try to make paragraphs that are longer than one sentence. For speeking parts that's okay, but if there is no talking trying to make them more paragraph like. Also, check your punctuation. If the person is speak and you put that they said that then right before the second quotation mark put a coma then the quotation mark. Like this; “This should be enough to get me to Huntington, “I whispered. Remember these are just suggestions and little tid-bits of help. You do not have to do anything I said.

Other than that, I still love your story. It's a great idea and I can't wait to see what's going to happen when she gets to Huntington. <3

BOO-YAH !

I like it so far. Can't wait to see where it goes. : )

dude! she's gonna find them! yeay :) away from the bitch!

yay she gets away :)

Commenting (:
update soon?

How old is Brooke?

Loved the chapter, Pretty please update soon.

i have to say your stroy has reached my top 5
cant wait for more updates

dammit,this is so good I wan't more please!

ooh love it
this is really well written!
can't wait for another chapter!

aww the painful begining is a good hook
update soon please

It will be interesting to see what happens if/when she gets there. It's interesting how she's finding out about him and I like how she's not just getting dumped on him or something like that. Well done!

I like it :) There are too many Synster Gates father stories, so its nice to see something different.

I wonder how Jimmy's going to react to seeing her

Chapter 1:

to my door “I know you're in there.”

Chapter 2:

onto my filthy bed and rested

Aw! Poor girl!
At least she is possibly going to find out more about her father.
That's always a good thing.
Anyways, keep up the good work hun.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter indeed. <3

who ever Brooke's mom is, she's evil.

Love your story please update soon.