Windowless Soul - Comments

Okay, i find it hard to believe that this is your first story... i can see how you've improved from the last chapter i read... your description is amazing, well done, but do remember you don't wanna over-kill with it, it's good to also let the readers picture it for themselves. ;]

I'll be glad to help you again ;) Though I don't have much to say beyond congratulations :D One thing. You don't have to say it's Iris's POV because it is actually 3rd person, POV is only used in 1st person. Now the important part. I loved how anticlimatic it was, just like life itself. You managed to twist a cliché around, which is always very nice to read.

I think this chapter is a great example of "show, don´t tell". Even though the narrative was focused on the events rather than inner feelings, you could still get a perfect psychological portrait of the characters.

Great Job! Good to see it alive!

Omg.. for your first story.. this is really really good ;]
more soonish i hope ;]
will i subscribe? Hell yes ;]

This is sooooo goood!!!! I lurves it write more. Like... now. :) I lost (or well me and invisible princess) a boy in my class in september and he was a really really great friend of mine and I miss him so much so I can relate to what this guy is going through to a point. Ahh great I'm tearing up but yeah amaaaazing story keep going!!

Your write so beautifully. :)
I really felt the emotion behind the words, and I can't wait to find out more.
I will definitely suscribe, because you have piqued my interest!

You should be proud of yourself. I love the writing style, it's very atmospheric and you actually feel as if you were sinking along with him. I identified myself with both the character and the style. The feeling of emptiness is conveyed very effectively and the way the emotional paragraphs are interleaved with the down-to-earth ones makes for a great pacing.

You seem to be very meticulous, and being that myself I like it when people help me get something just right, so I'll just point out a couple of ummm....imperfections. I would exchange the words when you say "Hadn't mattered, let alone existed" I think a swap between mattered and existed's places on the sentence would be beneficial. The other one is the sentence in brackets when he leaves the house. I'd scratch it. Just let the readers feel that he doesn't care rather than telling them.

Anyway it's brilliant narrative. I loved the whole thing and hope to have an update one of these days. If this is your first story you are very talented :D I'm subscribing.

Best of luck!