Windowless Love - Comments

Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to commenting on your stories. :/

So, first thing's first: I love the title. I dunno why, but I do.
I also really, really like the layout. It's positively lovely.
Now onto the story: Overall it was a cute little piece that was enjoyable to read. :) I really liked how Cameron and Drew were pretty much polar opposites. I thought that was kinda cute. Oh! And this was my favorite line: "They sat in silence for a hours, hands clasping a pillow between them absent-mindedly." :D

I think you want me to cry. They are so sweet!

Awwwww that was beautifully innocent and heart-grabbing. ^.^
XpeaceX

That was very cute ;)
It made me smile :)
Nice work!
You shouldn't be self-conciuos about your stories!
:)

Review of Windowless Love

I really, really loved the title, which was why I picked it. It's different from the usual, boring titles I see a lot, and intrigued me. Top marks for that - you're already drawing me in.

The layout was cute; clear and easy to read, which is always a bonus, and the colours mixed well together. The banner seemed not to fit though - the colours did not match and it seemed awkward placed in the center. I would put it above the summary, not in the middle.

The summary was clear and concise, and easy to understand. I've never actually read a mental illness story before, so this is new for me.

Cameron wore his sneakers tatty and old, with faded jeans and Drew's t-shirt that he had stolen long before he had come to this place.

I absolutely adored the way you worded this. It was a simple line, but I thought it was really effective.

They said that the white helped calm the patients who were lucky enough to get visitors, but in reality it made conversation dry and boring, the white sucking all life out of the inhabitants.

The imagery in this is positively fantastic; I can just see all the patients now, and it's really incredible. You really have talent - your descriptions are clear yet thought provoking all at once.

The way you described Drew was sweet, too: I loved how what he did and wore showed him how he really was, and no one cared to know. It gives this sense that he goes unnoticed, that he has to resort to other means to express himself. The way Cameron paid attention to him was great too; I could just imagine him, adoring Drew and admiring him.

He was in here simply because he couldn’t cope with the outside world, it was to stark and harsh for him.

It was too stark and harsh for him.

I love how all Cameron wanted was a window, just to see the outside world. It's so heartbreaking yet beautiful at the same time, and a really original idea. And how Drew bought Cameron a window...that's just a fantastic idea that I could never have thought you. It shows how much Drew really feels for Cameron, and how much he cares about him. It's realistic, the way he gets it, and it was really cute and sad all at once.

Cameron stood there with a mouth which made a perfect “O” shape, his big blue eyes staring right at Drew as they watered gently.

I use the mouth O shape description a lot myself, and it's perfect here. The way you described his eyes was lovely too.

Cameron sat up, and silently pressed his puckered lips to Drew’s in a loud smacking peck.

I wasn't so much of a fan of this line; I don't really see how a peck can be loud or smacking. I associate a peck with a brief, gentle kiss, but I suppose it's up to your interpretation.

I thought it was, in whole, a cute, and really heartwarming story. I wasn't quite sure what the mental illness you mentioned before was, or who had it - Cameron or Drew - but it was a lovely bit of work, and there were few errors.

That was incredibly cute. I love that Drew stole a credit card to get a window for Cam. <3

Awww adorable ^^

Ohmigod.
That was SO adorable. <3
I love your writing style,
how it's not all hot and sexy,
it's cute and sweet,
and just a small little peck,
but sometimes those things can mean the world.<3
xo