The Life I Never Knew I Had - Comments

A few things I noticed while I was reading:

You use 'I' a lot when starting your sentences. Try to refrain from that and look for other words to use.

Double space your paragraphs and dialogue from each other. This will make it easier to read and it will be more appealing to the readers eye.

Other than those things this is a good story. You know how to make the reader feel the suspense. :3 Just fix those and it will be just that much better. Keep it up and happy writing! :3

I love your story!!!! This is so not fair, why dis you cut the chapter right there?!?!?!?!
UPDATE FASTER!!!!!^_^

love the story need to update soon please!!!:)
i wonder how things are going to work out with everybody!?!?!?! :D

dude, awesome update!
And yeah, Ryan totally likes her. :3 lol
What's going on????

dude? what did they find??
haha I have so many comments on here xD

whaaaaaatttt?????
UPDATE!!! >.<

Awesome update. Just one thing, in this line
"Josh dropped off the basket in the kitchen and walked with me to my room."
Who's Josh?
And I wanna know about her birthplace and parents. Update?

MORE MORE MORE!! AHHH I CAN'T WAIT!!!
hehe, Elliott still sounds yummy ^.^

MORE MORE MORE!! AHHH I CAN'T WAIT!!!
hehe, Elliott still sounds yummy ^.^

hehe awesome update. I wanna meet Elliott, he really sounds like something. =P
By the way, I LOVED this part::

“Its is so beautiful”
“Yes, you are” he said looking at me.

So cliche, but cliches rock xD

Elliott**

Cliff hanger!!! >.<
Update update!!!!???????!!! Please??
Elliot sounds kinda cute. =P

Dudeness! This sounds so intriguing! I wanna read more!
Update please?!

this is pretty neat so far. I'd like to hear more.