Good Times Can Lead To Changed Lives - Comments

I loved the last chapter. I feel so bad for Alex :( Jack just doesn't know what he wants. I think this story is so cute and Molly sounds adorable! I really am looking forward to the next installment. You both are wonderful writers.

Awww!
That was such a bitter sweet update!

I really hope Jack and Alex sort their friendship out...

Such a powerful update!

Update, Update! Yay!
:)
Jack is amazing in this, Alex needs to start drinking water.
~Chelsea~

You instantly caught my attention, I was upset to see there weren't anymore chapters. I loved it! I think it's cool that you guys had Jack have an unknown baby instead of the cliché storyline of Alex having one. I hope that Alex will make a turn around and he could get back to his old relationship with Jack.

Update soon :)

The stalker thing reminded me of the whole stalker problem that Alex actual;ly had a while back. It made me laugh :')
Aww, Alex helped Jack!
I really love this, hoping for more soon?

I just read what there is already, and I loved it.
It's interesting, to say the least.
Baha, stalker chick.
~Chelsea~

I enjoyed the newest chapter. I laughed at the fact that Alex had a one night stand with his high school stalker xD

I really can't wait for you to update this again! :)

I really enjoyed the update.
It flowed really well and the fact Alex slept with a lass who used to obsess over him made me giggle.

Aha i can just imagine Jack with a kid :') How awkward!
I am also wondering who the woman is. Very intriguing.
Updates soon?

Amazing update.
I'm reall wondering who the woman is now.
Maybe an friend's ex?

Jack with a baby, not sure about that situation, he seems a little immature, in the way of drinking etc, but we'll see how he deals with it, huh?
x]

I love how Jack knows he can rely on Alex, even when he this isn't something they've ever dealt with before :)

More?
x

Story Review Game

Okay, I'll start off with the description.

The party scene had got the best of Jack Barakat and he knew he needed a break. - You need a comma before "and."

Little did he know that what happens in the party scene doesn’t always stay in the party scene. - I feel like theres a little bit too much repetition in this and the preceding sentence. I feel like there's too much "party scene."

Now, Jack’s life has changed drastically and he knows he needs the help and support of his friends more than ever. - You need a comma before the first "and."

Chapter 1

Jack had seen the error of his ways and he had made the effort to turn his life around. - You need a comma before "and." If two complete sentences are joined together by a conjunction, there must be a comma before that conjunction.

His life had revolved around the cities social scene. - It should be "city's" not "cities." Cities is plural, city's is posessive, and I'm pretty sure you're going for the posessive.

I'm not feeling the flow of the first paragraph. I feel like you've done a good job introducing the story, but there's too many small choppy sentences.

“You’re only young once. What’s the point in being young if you don’t make the most of it? “ - I really liked this line. It really sets the tone of the story and the outlook of Jack.

Jack lived by this motto and he, along with his friend Alex Gaskarth had made sure they lived their lives to the full. - There's a couple small problems with this sentence. First off, there should be another comma after Alex Gaskarth. Also, I think you meant to say "lived their lives to the fullest," just because that's what the saying is.

This was the story of Jack Barakat’s life and he was determined to change it. Start a new chapter. - I really like this part, but you need a comma before "and."

This confused him. - I don't really feel that this sentence is necessary. I think the reader can assume that in his situation, Jack would be confused.

Just something I'm a little iffy on. A three-month old babywouldn't have brown eyes because all babies are born with blue eyes, which turn after about a year.

“I never thought you’d be the one to give me my first grand child but Jack this is something you need to do on your own. I cannot and will not raise your child for you. I will email you a list of things you need for a baby but it’s up to you to look after her. Come over in a week so we can meet her but you’re on your own until then.” - On one hand, I feel like this is a very "mom" thing to say in other situations, but not with a baby. A mom wouldn't just be like, "here be responsible for this baby. I'm not gonna help you at all" unless she was totally crazy. It's a baby for christs sakes. I feel likehis mother would feel obiligated to help because it's her own flesh and blood's life.

“She needs to be fed every few hours. She'll cry when she's hungry!" - I don't feel that it should be this crystal clear. Babies cry for a ton of reasons, not just because they need food. They cry when something scares them, if they have to potty or burp, and sometimes they cry just to cry.

“Alex, I need your help.” He said when his best friend answered the phone. “Can you come over please?” - This was a nice lead into the next chapter =)

Overall, I feel like this is a good idea, but I don't feel like you've done enough research concerning babies. I also feel like a lot of this felt very unrealistic to me. Good luck with this story.

perfect. this is amazing. please update soon?

I'm really liking this so far :)

Haven't read much on Mibba lately but i Have a feeling I will stick around for a while ;)

Nice start! <3
xxxx
:)
Can't wait for more :)

x

I'm actually really, really happy you sent a comment to me to read this. It's so incredible; your writing style is unique. The sentences are short, but they express exactly what they need to express. No fluff, just facts. I like that. I feel like a lot of writers try way too hard to seem profound and lyrical, so I really appreciate the way you've chosen to write it.

Also, this is definitely not a plot I've seen around. Usually, it's the boy who's trying to push the baby onto the girl, so it's refreshing to see the role reversal where the girl isn't ready. It's a new twist.

My only concern is the color of the font; I know it sounds picky, but the dark gray against the black background is slightly difficult to read. Other than that, I think you're amazingly talented, and you can bet that I'll continue reading :)

I’m going to start with this little statement: I love your writing style so much – you have a major talent gurl! I’m not very good at reviewing story chapters, I’ll warn you now but, there are small parts of this story I would love to pick out.

I like the way you can capture the atmosphere and seriousness of this piece with the use of such short and choppy lines. I love how you’ve italicized the speech at the start, it adds to the dramatic effect. Also, the way you repeat Jack’s name in it a lot makes me so speechless! It’s just so good!

It was an endless, vicious cycle and he was caught in the middle of it.
That has to be one of my most favourite lines in this piece. It captures Jack’s adult side of him – he knows that what he’s doing is wrong and he knows that he needs to change his ways. I like this very much so.

“Hey Jack. Meet your daughter. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not ready to be a mother. I don’t want to be a mother. You can have her. Everything you need is in her bag.”
Gulp? Jack is in trouble now. At least he’s cleaned up his ways now so he’ll be hopefully able to cope with having the responsibility of a wee baby girl.

“Alex, I need your help.” He said when his best friend answered the phone. “Can you come over please?”
At least he can admit defeat and ask his best friend for help when he needs it the most. I felt this was an excellent way to close the first chapter; great job.

My only criticism of this piece is when his mother capitalizes it maybe, just maybe you should put it in bold to; it would look way better. Other then that, this piece is really good and I can’t wait for more, honestly.

Oh God Jack with a baby...this is going to get interesting.

I've never actually sat down and read an entire All Time Low fic. But, I'm really glad I did.

I like it so far, and I like the plot. I haven't seen the same one before. :)

Good job so far. :)

Update soon. <3